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Kristin
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Single and Happy: Crime of the Century??

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Kristin

5/22/2006 11:04:24 AM ---- Updated 5/22/2006 11:08:47 AM

Single and Happy: Crime of the Century??
Good morning y'all. Hope this Monday morning is finding you happy, safe and not in serious debt. Today's topic of discussion is BEING SINGLE. I am a happy 36 years old, and am currently single. BY CHOICE. I have been married, I got married when I was 22 years old and it lasted 6 years. Great guy, I was just too young to have picked the right person to spend the rest of my entire freaking life with. (Someone should offer classes on picking spouses in my opinion) Since my divorce, I have of course had several relationships, some long, some so short they barely registered on the dating richter scale. At this point in my life, I am content to live my OWN life, make my OWN decisions, and not have to check with someone else or base my choices on anyone but me. That sounds a little selfish, I know, but I have spent the majority of my life doing things for everyone BUT me. So....what I'm saying is, I LIKE being single right now. BUT....everyone around me seems to think this is some sort of affront to nature. A travesty, something no NORMAL woman would CHOOSE for herself. Why is that? I got my divorce for various reasons, but one of the biggest was the fact that I believe in the sparks, fireworks, can't-live-without-you-for-a-moment kind of love. I didn't have that then, and I was convinced it was out there somewhere. I STILL believe that. Why should a person settle for "it'll do" just so they can say "Yes, I'm married." I don't believe in bed hopping, casual sex is not for me, (well....not ANYMORE ;) so of course, that's another strike against me, because apparently I'm not even DATING the correct way. This makes me laugh to no end. So the question is.....DOES Romeo and Juliet love truly exist? Am I a fool for wanting THAT instead of lukewarm affection? What is wrong with waiting for a true, this is my soulmate and you were made for me kind of love?

And in the meantime.........Does anyone have Colin Farrell's phone number?? ;)


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Huminuh

5/22/2006 11:30:04 AM


Good morning Kristin :)

I like you was very happy being single :) I actually never intended on getting married EVER. I'm guessing because I came from a broken family, and since children were not on my list of wanting to have, staying single was the most desireable state of being for me.
And yeah, I too felt like I was constantly questioned like there was something wrong with me because I wasnt that traditional kind of woman. Yes, I dated and had relationships. Most lasting less than a year. Then I would go long spans not dating, by choice. That is until I met my husband back in 1998. Although I don't believe in the "can't-live-without-you-for-a-moment kind of love" (mostly because I know I can, and am quite happy alone), after being with my husband for a couple years, I couldnt imagine being with anyone else. Since he is a tradtional kind of guy, and marraige is important to him, I married him in 2001. I would have been happy to just live in sin to death do us part otherwise. Its certainly a challenge to continue along a joined path when you both grow and change along the way. Kristin, If you ever do find the kind of love you are hoping to find, I think ya really got to really work at it to keep it that way. The fairy tale of happily ever after doesnt just happen naturally. I takes HUGE amounts of effort.


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Huminuh

5/22/2006 11:31:11 AM


Oh and the pressure from outsiders AFTER you get married is even worse than when you were single....Now everyone wants ya to start hatching out kids.


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Shane

5/22/2006 12:32:11 PM


romeo and juliet - was that really love, or was it lust? seemed kinda like it was a short term thing wasn't it? didn't they kill themselves or something? do you really think they went through the drudgery of daily life enough to test their relationship?

guaranteed - throw in work, kids, laundry, mowing the grass, grocery shopping, cleaning house - and see how "twitterpated" you are at 9pm when the kids goto bed! yah i feel like taking a dagger or poison once in awhile myself, trust me.

you know - IMHO over time, the fireworks just take on a new form - rather than an explosion, the energy becomes more of a continual controlled release. you know, kind of like 12 hour cold medicine :)

relationships change. they grow. they mature. they continue. they end.

bottom line is:
like chuck berry said during a live performance of the "ding-a-ling" song:
"live like you wanna live baby. ain't nobody gonna bother you!"


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pmh

5/22/2006 1:40:05 PM


yeah, it must be rough being content living alone and not having someone to make decisions with or check yr choices with, while waiting for someone who you never want to be without for a moment. sounds very confusing to me. but i see where yr coming from, i think. "DOES Romeo and Juliet love truly exist?",,, yes it does.. and like Shane points out,,, it's fleeting and it doesn't grow into anything more than a flash in the pan. if yr waiting for that feeling to show up and never ever leave, while still not having to share yr decisions or choices with that person,, it may be a long long wait.
i don't mean to be rude, , i was just trying to make sense of this paragraph.
and after the movie Phonebooth,, i don't think he's taking calls :)


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Kristin

5/22/2006 2:22:04 PM ---- Updated 5/22/2006 2:22:04 PM


I guess I can see where you'd be confused....maybe this will help. I DO enjoy being single right now, not having to check with anyone and doing what I want to do. RIGHT NOW being the key phrase. I don't want that FOREVER. I get pressure from all sides to GET WITH SOMEONE. Find a husband, start a family, etc. I DO want that, but I'm not going to run out and place an add or go "shopping' for it just so I can have "it". I don't think I should have to be with someone just for the sake of NOT being single. I DO believe that fireworks are out there, I know people who have been together nearly 30 years and still get butterflies when their beloved walks in the door. You can see and feel the connection they have. THAT is what I want. Not just someone to warm the other side of the bed and take out the trash, or something that resembles a smart business partnership. I realize I am an idealist, and have my head in the clouds. From my perspective though, that's not such a bad place to be. I also realize that most people DON'T believe in Romeo and Juliet love...(the GOOD parts !!:) and I may end up disappointed some day, but for now, I'm having a fine time being on my own, and believing that eventually, Romeo will come along. (and hopefully not kill himself before we have a chance to have some REAL fun: ;)

K
ps....Phone Booth....yeah, that was a lemon. You'd think he'd be happy for ANY attention after a FEW of his last career efforts eh? :)


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Carolyn Stewart

5/22/2006 3:39:44 PM


Hi Kristin,
Guess I'll throw in my 2 cents. I found the man of my dreams at 29, and when they say you'll know, it's true. Knowing what I have I'd wait forever for it. There should absolutely be no doubt. I think it's important to be happy with who you are first, because to count on someone else for your happiness is disappointing. I agree too, there should be courses. I don't think anyone should marry before 25 (JMHO)

Finding 'Mr. Right' is not a guarantee, I think it's a blessing to find someone you share the same values with. I agree with Shane, love changes and matures as you go along, lust sure doesn't help with the housework.

Life offers many rewards and frustrations, whether single, coupled, couple with kids. Don't settle for less, life is short continue to enjoy where and who you are. And if it is difficult to do that then serving those in need is a rewarding experience.

PS. One of the nicest things my husband ever said to me was just after giving birth to our first boy. "You look more beautiful than I have ever seen you" aaaahhhh...Anyway 11 1/2 years of marriage and even with the right stuff it still takes constant consideration, respect, and appreciation.

Thanks for your interesting topics!


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1_4DaMoney_2_4DaShow

5/23/2006 6:57:12 AM


"I was just too young to have picked the right person to spend the rest of my entire freaking life with. (Someone should offer classes on picking spouses in my opinion)"

Stupid kids never listen anyway! hehehe

"When I was young, and they packed off to school, and taught me how not to play the game." Ian Anderson

I didn't find my everlasting love till I was 40. We were and are commited to each other and our goals. The main goal is to love and enjoy oneanother above all things. Not saying things didn't get very rough occasionaly, but I can't live without her and I am fortunate enough that shge feels the same way about me, even after I have Messed up and inconciderately trampled on her feelings many times. I am grateful that she not only can stand me, but even wants to make my life more pleasant. Al this to say this, this is our third marriage for both of us. It takes a crap load of commitment, tolerance, loyalty and most of all "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE". If your not ready for that Job, your not ready for marriage, JMHO
I could never understand how people can love their children unconditionaly no matter how they behave or disappoint them, but can not seem to afford that same commitment of all "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE" to the one who partook in making that child......... I Blame society, George Bush, Jerry Farwell, and KC and the sunshine band ,,,,,,,,,,,, Oh! ... and the Tie industry!


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