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Ben Elliot
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2/27/2008 3:18:38 PM
Just something I whipped up last weekend.
Hello all,
Last saturday I got the liberty of a whole day to write and record music. I spent the day writing a song, and Ive come up with something Im pretty pleased with. My only concern is the ending. It sort of breaks down, but it kind of loses its way. Anyones advise or opinions would be much appreciated as I think this song could be really good but it is lacking something..
Ive uploaded the song to my profile page..
Take What You Can, Give What You Are
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Stegor
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2/27/2008 8:41:39 PM
Hi Ben -
This is the kind of music I'm always looking for and rarely find. I really like this, and as I've said before I'm a "finicky eater".
You are right about the ending, though. It breaks down and loses it's way. Perfect!
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Larz Boah
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2/27/2008 10:32:46 PM
Heya Ben...love this tune you wrote. The last part belongs in the middle of the
tune somewhere...I don't have the lyrics, but the groove is so strong behind that
line...'having the time of their life'...that it should end with the music behind it....
repeat that verse and then do a gradual 'fade out' with the music behind that part
still going. Betcha it will really kick then. JMHOP....ya know....this tune kinda reminds
me of the 'night feel' by one of my favorite tunes here..'Blackened Blue Eyes' by
The Charlatans UK. Rock On!
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Pulse Eternal
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2/27/2008 11:58:10 PM
Ben,
That's a great song!! I really like it. I do agree with Larry about the arrangement though. The ending would make a great middle breakdown only to build up again to the original riff for the ending.
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Ben Elliot
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2/28/2008 5:17:51 AM
Thanks for your comments so far. Im gonna take everything on board and have another crack at it. I was thinking that rather than putting the break down into the middle, I may just extend the whole thing and add more of the beginning to the end. What do you recon?
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Pulse Eternal
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2/28/2008 5:24:12 AM
That could work! Give it a shot and see what happens. :-)
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Stegor
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2/28/2008 6:49:26 AM
I think your plan to extend it could work really well. Since the player always repeats I let it go and when it started over it felt like it should. That ending would make a perfect middle 8 that leads quietly into the main riff and it just kicks right back in loud and powerful.
Just an anecdote you might appreciate - My mother in law (who is 70) walked in the room while I was playing it last night and said
"What's that you're listening to?" I said,
"It's this website of independent musicians where we share our music. This is a guy from England."
"Why don't they play stuff like that on the radio? I'd listen to that."
"Good question, Grandma!"
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Ben Elliot
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2/28/2008 9:49:49 AM
Excellent, its always good to have some multi generation appeal. The other thing that I would be interested in getting your opinion on is the chorus. Firstly, what would you guys consider the chorus in this song to be and secondly, do you think the 'chorus' fits the criteria of ... uplifting, catchy and memorable? Its something I am working hard on at the moment. None of my songs seem to have a stand out chorus.
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