J. Patrick SharpeThe Long and Short of It (Ice Figure Skater Blues)
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Monday, October 10, 2011 1:40:11 PM
song updated                               

Monday, October 21, 2019 1:43:45 AM
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There's nothing worse than a bitter former ice figure skater from Texas!

© J. Patrick Sharpe
© Lyrics and Music by J. Patrick Sharpe

I was born in Austin, Texas and I grew up like most other boys
I loved football and hunting and all along with other testosterone toys
But something just welled up inside me
It was a dream from which I could not escape
And down through the years it brings me to tears
Every time I polish my skates... Oh...

I met a young girl out of Lubbock who shared a similar dream
She longed for the cold and the Olympic Gold
And those jumpsuits with the sequins that gleam
It was the short program that did us in
We got our blades tangled up somehow
We were skating real fast when I fell on my ass
And she's got her a new partner now

(Ch) But what can you say, she did me wrong She had a plan to string me along
There's no sense in making a short story long He's in, I'm out, and she's gone

Now I work in a bar out in Houston
Busing tables and passing out beer
And I saw her on TV with her new partner “Steve”
They won the Silver in the Olympics last year
Some nights I go out to that ice rink
Run through the long program in my mind
And every landing I stick on those old triple twists
I don't fall one damn single time (Ch)

What, you may ask, did I Iearn?
From this cold nightmare “ice-capade”
Well I learned many nights that big men in tights
Have a pretty hard time getting laid
And there aren't many ice rinks in Texas
So I'm sticking with working this bar
And here's a brief word to my old skatin' partner
Break a leg wherever you are (Ch)
Song Comments

J Patrick Sharpe's specialty is amusing anecdotes and sometimes you really need a little escapism. I picked this song because I've been watching the Winter Olympics in South Korea and I particularly like the ice dance and pairs.... but I have noticed that it's getting a bit freaky lately with the men getting bigger and the girls getting smaller so they can get thrown about easier I guess. I like the lyric here that girls don't go for big men in tights. I'm smiling now.

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