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Choosy Susie Leave your details here and tell me that you will accept whatever I decide to give you , good or bad.
FT I'd like you to give a bad review to Neg Tendencies' More Than Just Words
Choosy Sue FT, you are an admirably brave soul to put yourself up for this - Kudos
bryon tosoff sure why not, here is something that could use hateful dispicable slamming. its just me having a bad day. so rip away
bryon (demented) Tosoff wow, fantastic awesome review, the best ever and truth indeed. i finally have been beaten to a pulp crushed to dust. the horror
Todd (Hop On Pop) Thanks for telling it like it is, Susie! I appreciate the negative vibes!
Two Silo Complex Hey Susie I look forward the review of your choice on this song "Fate or Destiny"
Francesca Tamellini Just uploaded 'When I was young' - do your worst!
Two Silo Complex Thank you for your outstanding review and actually understanding the concept for which the song was created. Like life itself the song is multi-dimensional including the robotic effect on the vocal during the lines " I am programmed by the machine"
Bob Balsley any song your choice-try not to make me cry
Psyche's Muse Great Idea for a Station! RIP "UN"ELEVATOR too1 haha! -M-
Steve Ison Creative n funny review Susie..Had me tittering away haha..Nice one :)
Bob Balsley Susie apply at Rolling Stone. They need you. Better yet I need a publicist! you're hired
Susie I love you guys, you're such good sports, it's impossible to insult you
Psyche's Muse Thanks A Bunch, Susie! Much Appreciated1 -M-
Psyche's Muse Muchas Gracias, Sue! BTW- called the Plumber... he's still checkin' things out. Thanks for the heads-up!
Choosy Susie It's all good Psyches M, I'm glad to be able to point out a few things that you can work on ;) Same with Bob E and the giant sieve suggestion ;)
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Jazz
Rock
Alternative Pop Rock






Page Updated 10/31/2017 9:20:01 AM



 

  
Choosy Sue's Perilous Reviews
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APPLY NOW !! but be prepared to be either slated and humiliated OR patronized with gushing banality. Not for the faint-hearted.
I'm back again and taking applications from IMP artists who have a sense of humor and would like to be reviewed in my own inimitable way.

I may point out all your mistakes and if there aren't any I will make it seem like there are and embarrass you. It could get personal. I may go over the top with my praise and superlatives in a sickly and sarcastic manner. It could make you cringe.

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Psyche's Muse
"UN"ELEVATOR
We obviously have an intellectual muso here- or maybe just a nutty professor! It's a brave move to present an existential themed song to your average Indie music listener but it is labelled Melodic Rock so let's see how it goes. Well this ain't no elevator music folks ; after a few seconds I'm feeling claustrophobic and a little nauseous - Ah, it's OK, there's a nice gentleman with me so I hope he'll press the right buttons. It's very jingly jangly in here, either the hydraulics are iffy or it's Xmas already, there is a jolly singer stroking his beard in a contemplative way but no presents for Susie this year as I've been too sinful. Oh dear, I'm in dire straights now, and I don't mean that nice band that played Walk of Life, this is the antithetical reprisal, Walk of Death. I check the time, oh no, another 2 plus minutes of purgatory and I think there are loose nuts in the equipment! Will we both plunge down the bottomless shaft to obscurity I wonder? - I'm liking this new drumming section, but that could just be my heart or stomach rumbling! At last I found the door (it was me after all) I manage to jump out but this annoying little flute seems to have attached itself to my psyche. I tell you what, it'll be a long time before I enter another elevator, UN or non UN! - Choosy Susie 2017 added to station 10/26/2017 2:43:20 PM
Melodic Rock 8125
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Bob Elliott
Endless
Bob is a legend at IMP and he's kindly allowed me to get my false teeth into Endless. Imagine being in a crowded Bar with a party upstairs, someone crunching crackers by your ear while opening a heavily wrapped present ; then a marching protest band passes by shaking collection boxes, now you're somewhere close to the feel of this song. It seems to be the season for twisted lyrics and strange metaphors to challenge this listener ; there's certainly plenty of bodily fluids between the dirt, rocks and hard places. I think we've moved to some kind of Speakers Corner now, but it might be a zoo or a church picnic for ex servicemen - biblical imagery and soul searching abounds. The first instrumental bridge sounds like some Battle of the Bands contest. Two vocalists shout into each other's twin faces. Making a swift exit to get some fresh air after the match ends in stalemate, I feel that minor adjustments could help here - but one major move might be to put the whole production through an industrial sized garden sieve - Choosy Susie 2017 added to station 10/31/2017 9:20:01 AM
Alternative Retro and Psychedelic 8125
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Steve Ison
Velvet Dream
I've been summoned by IMP royalty (low bow) for a 'good or bad' review so I'd better handle Velvet dream with velvet gloves. While it's nice (but odd) to hear mellow UK vocals in a US scenario, I'm not entirely sure what the lyrics mean! Starts off 'people watching' on 4th July and ends up serenading his gal on Valentines day. I thought I might skip this one early, but at around 2 mins the song morphs from 'Happy holidays' to 'A nightmare on Easy Street' with some Halloween effects or an Alien abduction of the original band. Easy is the dominant vibe none-the-less. I had been imagining the singer texting or frying sausages as he records in the corner of the garage where the band are squeezed closely together, drummer incorporating the metal car hood. Then that inspiring lyric steps up "Do it, do it" (not sure what exactly, pay the leccy bill, stir the baked beans) but he gets more animated now, hard to do when you're wearing your Christmas Sweater and sipping cocoa! I'm not clever enough to analyze the deeper implications of this song - or maybe I'm too clever and this is a case of the Kings magic suit that only a few can see. Hey, who cares, I got a "Yeh, yeh, yeh, not heard that since the '6os and something approaching a 'Hey Jude' outro. Steve knows his way around this type of song blindfolded but I think he'll see the Susie wink here ;) - Choosy Susie 2017 added to station 10/26/2017 9:02:34 AM
Space Pop 8125
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Bob Balsley
In My Life
I did a little research on Bob before this review and it seems the guy has no failings! The superlatives from his peers roll out like balls from a Lottery machine and everyone is a winner after playing Bob's music. So, I realized I had my work cut out trying to find his Achilles Heel without removing the furry footwear. He didn't want me to make him cry but Bob, pass the tissues because I'm mopping up teardrops with every warm hug your vocal wraps around me, every drop of emotion you squeeze out of me makes my potential venom melt away until I have sweet nectar instead of cold blood in my veins. Did you go to School with Johnny Mathis or Nat King Cole by any chance, you could have taught them a thing or two I bet. This ain't "In my life" by The Beatles, a Rubber Soul classic - the only rubber sole you'll find here are on those cozy slippers. Damn it, I bet his feet don't even sweat - Choosy Susie 2017 added to station 10/26/2017 10:04:24 AM
Jazz Ballad 8125
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Stoneman
Sanitized
I was given carte blanche from a huge selection of Stoneman songs. Would it be "Fuck off you jerk" "Pull your pants up" or maybe "Dirty diaper flies"? But finally I decided to clean the place up with "Sanitized" I think this artist missed a trick here ; what a great commercial it would make for Drano, Mr Clean or Windex "Listen to Sanitized every day and all your stains are wiped away" While the song has a pleasant urban vibe, I'm not so keen on the proximity of the maintenance guys in the room above banging away - or maybe it's just some overenthusiastic love thumping making the rafters rock! I counted at least 20 repeats of "Sanitized" (a collaboration with Hop on Pop might work) I also detect a slight problem pronouncing Ss so perhaps rename it Fumigated or Freshened, I know you're OK with F words! ;) - Choosy Susie 2017 added to station 10/24/2017 8:04:03 AM
Pop/Soul 8125
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The Rhythm Kings
Hell Of A Price For A Song
It started with a cough - but that might have been the highlight actually, maybe a sneeze or some other bodily sounds would have made the song more interesting ; certainly the lead guitarist was standing well back hoping not to catch anything but he needn't worry, this song ain't remotely infectious. I admire a cool, laid back band normally, but these guys were almost sliding off their recliners. This is easy listening even Grandma could sing along to, she'd think she'd heard it before and she'd soon pick up the "losing you" lyric, might even change it to "Losing the will to live" after all those repeats. Actually this might go down well as the headline act at Green Acres Residential home, where there's a captive audience who need some non-stimulating music before bedtime. Seems that no-one has much to say about this song, even the band themselves could only manage a one-liner and had no energy to type out lyrics. But I'm sure they don't like to blow their own trumpet (otherwise they'd use it to hot up their song) There wouldn't be a 'Hell of a price' to pay for this mp3 - I think they'd need to give free coupons with it to stir up any interest - Choosy Susie 2017 added to station 10/25/2017 7:00:03 PM
Alternative Indie Rock 8125
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Two Silo Complex
Fate or Destiny
Wow! That was probably the most stimulating 6 minutes I ever spent listening to music here at IMP, why there have been no other reviews for this futuristic creation I can't imagine. It was as if a rebellious Gerry Rafferty returned to Earth to perform in a Dystopian Wonderland from the bottom of a dark grave where lyrics were tumbling effortlessly into the matrix to take on a subterranean life of their own that only Super-humans could decipher. This is simulated reality at it chilling best, nothing is what it seems, everything is virtual including the drums. In summary, this production is a mass of fine-grained Rock in which gems, crystals, and prehistoric fossils are embedded. Is it fate or is it destiny, let's call it festiny, a new word for the indescribable future of music - Choosy Susie 20017 added to station 10/21/2017 5:03:39 AM
Rock 8125
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Francesca Tamellini
When I was young
I wouldn't normally review a song like this as I find it somewhat one dimensional so I feel unchallenged. To paraphrase her own lyrics "It doesn't stay and it doesn't go" it's just stuck in time, and that time could be way back before 1999 (or maybe it's just stuck in the same riff) I think this is a parody of some Folk song from Fiddler on the roof or Zorba the Greek where the party goers alternate between springing and leaping then dragging and shuffling until finally they shout "Opa" or Mazel tov and throw the empty vodka glass into the fire. I see the artist straddling the piano stool bouncing up and down with a handy horse whip ready to crack over the heads of bad reviewers. Not sure who wins here, the singer, the piano or maybe the Bolsheviks if they need a song for their next revolution. Why do I now find myself singing Havah Nagilah? - Choosy Susie 2017 added to station 10/22/2017 6:42:01 AM
Acoustic Singer/Songwriter 8125
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Bryon Tosoff
who knows what lurks within you?
Halloween? no, this is more Hello wiener. It takes a huge ego or a brave musician to upload a song he knows only the curious or deranged will listen to (I'm the curious) I know what happened here ; someone's favorite Uncle (Fester perhaps) has been kidnapped and forced to sing (I use the term loosely) while holding up a card that reads "Send $1 Million before this song self destructs and worms its way into the ears of the unsuspecting Universe causing a Bad Song Pandemic" Oh dear, maybe it's too late! One blessing, the singer is obviously locked in a padded room far away from the recording studio, so his message is indistinct apart from the worrying and constant reminder that something might be "lurking" within us - I know what's lurking in me now and I hope I can finish this review before it makes an appearance. A cross between The march of the Zombies, The Shadow Radio show and Oscar Peterson (post 2007). Serious jazz enters briefly but it's chased away by some blood curdling screams until finally someone ends the misery, for the performer, and everyone in fact. - Choosy Susie 2017 added to station 10/20/2017 4:09:23 PM
Jazz Fusion 8125
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Hop On Pop
Break My Heart
Well I'm exhausted after that manic Pop song and I think I've developed a new memory groove that keeps shouting out "Break my heart" There should be a prize for any listener who guesses the correct number of repeats - I think the solo guitar had a bigger vocabulary than the lyric writer. The highlight for me was the speed clapping, the doo doos and the whoo whoos. I bet this band performs with Bobby-socked dancing girlies, there's a whole stereotypical vibe going on here like rhyming feeling with reeling, so well worn - try 'dancing on the ceiling' or 'not too appealing' maybe. My only challenge here was to read the words fast enough, the tune only needed 2 lines to get me joining in (against my better judgment). I wonder why it needed 6 band members to produce this little cheerleader Pop Hopping ditty... or should that read ditto (break my heart, ditto, ditto) I think the writer likes this song as in the absence of reviews he writes his own, all good - well now he has a classic CS bad one to add to the list. The follow up should be "Break my boredom" Choosy Susie 2017 added to station 10/20/2017 6:33:16 PM
Power Pop 8125
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Psyche's Muse
INCREASE THE FLOW
This is how I feel after over indulging and trying to walk home without knees. I think I have an internal Doppler effect trapped in my gut making it's way upward and screaming "let me out" I guess the lyrics come straight from "Little Poet's Rhyming Dictionary" there are more Ohs that Meg Ryan's orgasmic outburst. In fact there is so much touching, teasing, tickling and pleasing, Donald Trump might have had a hand in this. Do I feel sexy or sick, it's a very fine line. This song is more verby than verbose, more Pollock than prolix. So it's hard to tell if it's being intentionally played or accidentally sprayed along with the singer's spittle. Is it abstract or ass-cracked? I'm stopping pretty soon as I see the writing on the wall and I hear the call from down below, the only place this song will go - so - call the plumber and let's stop the endless flow - Choosy Susie 2017 added to station 10/30/2017 8:14:45 PM
Fringe 8125
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negative tendencies
More Than Just Words
If this is the "Greatest American Band" I feel sorry for America, I wonder which first grade class took that poll? But, maybe it's just the greatest band at number 1 Rockless Close, Smallsville, American Samoa. Now I'm never sure if Barry Manilow died or not but I think this band dug up something he buried years ago. I'll rename the song "More than enough words" because if you take away the repeats you practically have a 'one liner' jingle (and there is some actual backing jingling too) Maybe the vocalist suffers from bi polar tendencies rather than negative ones as he switches from being a glum romantic to a hysterical lover, screaming his protestations. There is a sweeter and more constant sound coming from the solo guitar actually. He says "I know you've heard it before" well how true that is! Ah, now I get it, I think they're waiting at a bus stop - hope that Greyhound comes soon to take them away as I think both the singer and myself are crying by the end. The tires on this bands vehicle have worm so thin and turned too many times - Choosy Susie 2017 added to station 10/20/2017 5:45:20 AM
Indie Pop 8125
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Bob Elliott
Chord Morphing
Oh well, I think Bob's playing dirty here! How can I say anything bad with a cute kid involved? Not sure who's performing but it sounds like practice time at the Juilliard Kindergarten Summer School. Either this is genuine talent or someone is winding up a music box with a spinning ballerina on top. Whichever way I feel cheated because it was billed as a comedy and the only funny thing is someone managing to wind Susie up with a minute and a half of chord plucking. So I'll do the jokes now ; Q: What do you call a guitar player who only knows two chords? A: A music critic. Choosy Susie 2017 added to station 10/29/2017 8:08:48 PM
Comedy 8125
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