I have been about half way around the world. I came back. I miss the places I have been and want to go again.
In previous working years I have worked with some of the most dedicated people and have worked on multimillion dollar equipment. I have been trusted with secrets that would cause much trouble if ever told and helped out in a tiny handful of disaster relief and rescue operations both in my own country and overseas. I have had more than a thousand people placed under me in a chain of command and taken confession from someone that has taken confession from others. When I returned where I thought was home, I was no longer trusted and looked on as an outsider.
I have piloted a 49' boat and repaired jet aircraft, inspected fire systems and generators in secure government buildings, plumbed buildings with more than 5 acres of roof, ran gas lines that were miles long, Once was even expected to carry weapons and much more; but I do not seem to have the ability to convince the manger at McDonald's that I can flip burgers. I have 2 doctors that are telling me to file for social security disability and additional veterans benefits; but social security thinks that they don't need to give anything to injured vets because the VA already gives them all thousands a month for free; and of course the VA took 7 whole years to realize my neck injury causes my frequent blinding headaches and are still not paying me anything worth mentioning; when I have not worked in 2 years and have not worked full time in over 15 years since being out of the service.
I don't see ghosts of dead friends but I continue to hear the voice of at least one of their mothers asking where her son is and remembering I knew where but was not allowed to tell her until the guys in the dress suits knocked on her door and we had no idea where she was to send them. So I had to try and find out. I still see the walls of the captains office where I was answering the phone. I still seen the acting first sergeant sitting down to take over the call after I was on the phone over 45 minutes and just had to get out of there. I still see the tears on his face as he took the call when I went out to make coffee for us. I remember later rushing a manilla envelope to the wing headquarters knowing just what was in the package, and knowing it meant the mother would have someone knocking at her door soon. Still later, I remember a personal call I took with the first sergeant looking on and learning that one of my friends was the soldiers very close friend and having to pull rank I did not have to tell him to go to the base chaplain to find out anything since we weren't telling anyone over the phones; I remember calling the chaplain and telling him to make sure he talked to my friend right away and telling him the news. I remember thinking and praying that my friend would not leave the military over this because I was selfish and did not want people thinking I was that way too. I remember a year of struggling to deal with people after that and struggling with people in general since.I even could not defend myself against lies by a criminal who's crimes I did double the time for.
I know God exists because I talk to Him often; and a few times He's returned the favor. I wonder sometimes about how the world is allowed to be so ignorantly run by our leaders and sometimes think that He must have an odd sense of humor; other times I am sure that He wants us to try doing something about it.
If we all tried to follow God's first 2 laws love Him and love our neighbors I can not help but think the world would be a better place.
All this and I have several head shrinks that tell me I am not insane and that the world really is this screwed up.
Honestly, I think I have many reasons to be upset with this world and to moan and complain for a much longer time but since posting this a few years ago life has begun to improve (slowly and with many setbacks). I now have completed 2 Associates degrees and was gifted a doctorate. I am still not working yet but am hopeful for an internship that might turn into a real career job, I am married to a beautiful woman and have children that are awesome. I even have regular contact with my dear friends back home halfway across my world.
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