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I made it out of Dublin
just before they locked it down
Caught the last flight out
and I slept until touchdown
A place where men wear funny skirts
and nothing underneath
The heart of Mary's Scotland
became my new retreat
One and twenty bottles
I bought in Inverness
And when the night is over
there'll be one and twenty less
Drink to absent friends we miss
who won't come through the door
Drink to better days we've had
they won't come back no more
Drink to all we thought we knew
that simply wasn’t true
Drink to all that should have been
yeah, drink to me and you
MacLeod threw me a party
he was the perfect host
Men in kilts may scare some
What’s beneath them might scare more
But I was not so frightened
'cause of all the Finns I know
Who drink vodka in the Sauna
and then roll naked in the snow
They offered me a single malt
I thought, underwear or not
When in Rome do as the Romans do
I'll drink it like a Scot
Then I remembered words of wisdom
when I saw water on the side
'The fish they f*** in water'
so I tossed the glass aside.
Drink to absent friends we miss
who won't come through the door
Drink to better days we've had
they won't come back no more
Drink to all we thought we knew
that simply wasn’t true
Drink to all that should have been
yeah, drink to me and you
They did not take that very well
in fact, they went quite mad
Three or four Scots held me down
and I found myself unclad
Then they tried to throw me out
naked and exposed
but the bastards had forgotten
that the front door was still closed!
No shirt, no shoes, no socks, no jocks
A doorframe 'round my neck
I walked the streets of Inverness
A bruised and battered wreck
I don't mind being naked
I'm a child of 68
but the Scots still had me bottles
and I had to set that straight
One and twenty bottles
I bought in Inverness
And when the night is over
there'll be one and twenty less
Drink to absent friends we miss
who won't come through the door
Drink to better days we've had
they won't come back no more
Drink to all we thought we knew
that simply wasn’t true
Drink to all that should have been
yeah, drink to me and you
Listen to me people
To this story’s tragic end
When I snuck back in the morning
not one bottle had they left
The bloody Scots had drunk them all
Yeah, that is what I said
And one was still there sleeping
with me Jocks upon his head!
A mass of beer, a sup of wine
O' whiskey, a wee dram
What you drink and when and where
No-one gives a damn.
But one thing that unites us all
underwear or not
The moment we begin to drink
we knock back all we've got!
Drink to absent friends we miss
who won't come through the door
Drink to better days we've had
they won't come back no more
Drink to all we thought we knew
that simply wasn’t true
Drink to all that should have been
yeah, drink to me and you
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