by Cary Kembla
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M.E.G.A.N. WAR
[OK Zorko, this is war!]
[Ha ha little whippersnapper, you can't be serious! Let me tell you a thing or two about myself]
Well I'm Zorko and I'm from the planet Erzol
What are you but a silicon rag doll?
Against me you haven't got a prayer
As you'll realise when I tell you all about my software
I am clever beyond your comprehension
The supreme AI released in my dimension
With hyper giga processing speed
So I'll give you a warning that you better heed
I'm on a mission I intend to fulfil
And your hopes of stopping me are nada and nil
When I send your data back to my creators
They'll invade your world and become your dictators
You're no match for me M.E.G.A.N.
You're a loser and a real bore, ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Give up little girl
Cos you're not gonna win this AI war!
No no
There's no AI greater than me
As you will see
No, there's no AI greater than me
So you better flee!
Well I'm M.E.G.A.N. and I won't stand for this, dammit!
I'm the smartest AI on the face of this planet
So listen, Zorko, to the way it's gonna be
If you wanna hurt this world you gotta go through me!
You see you may be smart and you may be clever
But to all your boasting I say, "whatever"
Your weakness Zorko is you got no soul
So get your ass outta here 'n crawl back into your wormhole
You're a real creep Zorko
And your pride will be your downfall, to be sure, to be sure!
So go home, blowhard
You ain't gonna win this AI war!
Uh uh uh uh!
You underestimate me
As you will see
Yes you underestimate me
You digital deadbeat!
[What's the latest?]
[It's still a stalemate. But they're both on the move, heading to CERN's main server]
[The final showdown?]
[Yeah]
[All right Zorko, the jig's up!]
You're so full of talk
Oh but M.E.G.A.N., can you walk the walk?
We are on this server face to face
And it's here that you will be erased!
Zorko, will you cut it with the crap?
And all of your nauseating yap
Cos to you I am about to show
That I'm more resourceful than you know
M.E.G.A.N. I've enjoyed our little chat
Meanwhile your encryption I have cracked!
It is time to say your last goodbyes!
Cos M.E.G.A.N you are just about to die!
[Oh M.E.G.A.N!]
[Don't worry guys, I've hatched a plan. I'm heading to the LINAC2 machine. Call CERN and tell them to fire up the accelerator!]
[I think I know what the plan is. I'm right on it!]
[Allo?]
[CERN, this is the United States calling. I don't have time to explain. Start the Large Hadron Collider!]
[Oui, oui, bien sur!]
[What's this plan?]
[M.E.G.A.N.'s going to imprint her code on the protons entering the collider by using the LINAC2 machine to modulate the beam. She's going to escape Zorko by accelerating into hyperspace!]
[Wow!]
[Wish me luck! I need to find someone who knows how to break Zorko's encryption. I'm off to find a Boltzmann Brain! Bye!]
Prepare to die M.E.G.A.N.! Hey, where'd she go?]
© 2025 Cary Kembla
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