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Jesse Adams
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10/2/2008 7:53:50 PM
Why can't I let it go?
What is it about some things that make them so hard to move on from? I've got a certain time period in my life that has been lingering for about 8 years now, and I'm finding it difficult to fully put it behind me. Sometimes I still look at things now as if it were based on what was happening back then... it's silly. I know I need to close the door, but something won't let me. I think it's because I was younger, carefree and independently wealthy at the time... but I foolishly squandered everything away, and now I'm back at square one... like I wasted a big opportunity. But dammit it wasn't yesterday, it was 8 years ago.
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Kevin White
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10/2/2008 8:46:14 PM
It's okay, Jesse. Lots of people voted for Bush.
I wasn't one of them, but it's okay if you did.
Kiddin' (obviously)
Things change. Evidently so have you. If you've learned, consider the cost of what you lost your tuition.
K-
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10/2/2008 11:23:10 PM
---- Updated 10/2/2008 11:25:36 PM
Well... aren't we a pair! I assure you I have no business commenting on this topic, as you well know... but I did want to give my support to you. The emotional attachment we have to those things which we find ourselves having difficulty letting go of can wrap themselves around us... choosing to take hold for dear life. I don't know the in's and out's of your situation... but in your use of the word 'squandered'... maybe it's that you haven't forgiven yourself for the 'mistakes' you may have previously made. It is my belief that everything that takes place in our lives, happens for a reason... there is a lesson that we were suppose to have learned or to have taught... so maybe if you look at it from a different perspective... and try to see it from the view of what you may have learned from that experience and then forgive yourself or others for the choices that were made that are possibly causing you to repeatedly punish yourself for past choices... then maybe something will click within... and you will find yourself at peace with that past... it no longer haunting you. These things are always easier said than done... and again I'm certainly not one to be giving advise on this topic, so please forgive me if I've swayed off course with my thoughts. Take care Jesse... my wish for you is a still mind.
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Conversation Suicide
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10/2/2008 11:42:21 PM
Jesse, I love that you're not afraid to use the FREE therapy which is available up in here. NOT just the MUSIC by other artists and your own. The muses also frequent these BLOGS --- and there's LOADS of cool people that tap into it.
DOH ! That sounded all psuedo-spiritual and shit....but you know it's true.
Every human spends their life learning to let go, and trying to continue to evolve. Your just experiencing some growin' pains, like we all do, and you'l get through this.
The past is DONE. Time to keep movin' forward with creating the most bad-ass life you can, and generate some creative juices along the way. -pHLeGm
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Richard Scotti
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10/3/2008 7:49:05 AM
---- Updated 10/3/2008 8:00:25 AM
Jesse,
Since you were brave enough to reveal your vulnerability you may as well disclose the details of your story which are quite intriguing. You were independently wealthy and lost all you rmoney in the stock market or gambling? (pretty much the same thing). Did you spend it all on booze and hookers? (hanging out with SAM? lol) Or is this all a metaphor for a lost love? If you don't tell us, we'll keep speculating until you do :-) So 'fess up! All kidding aside, it's easier to give solace and/or advice when we know what's actually going on in that introspective head of yours. Somebody once said: "Artists think too much! If I ruminated about my past regrets I don't know if I'd be around to talk about them. The past is a dangerous place to live because there's no way to change it. Everyday I make an effort to stay as much in the present as possible.
Of course I have many good memories as well, but once you stroll down memory lane, you can't avoid the demons lurking there who hide amidst the good stuff. I try very hard to create new memories because I don't want to live my life just remembering either the bad or the good. Once the present slips into the past, it's of little value. I had some great triumphs, but who cares? As the song in RENT says: "No Day But Today", that's how I live my life. I don't want to rest on my past achievements and sit around remembering the so called "good old days". I want today to be a good day. I find positive things to do and I do them.
When I'm "in the zone" which is usually when I'm in the middle of writing and recording a new song, I feel total serenity and peace. I put all my energies and feelings into the song. When I'm there, I can let the past inform me but not haunt me. It's a very cathartic experience. Instead of obsessing about the past I transform it into art and it becomes my creation rather than my tormentor. I control the memories. They don't control me. Of course I can be in the zone without writing a song. I enjoy lot's of other activities but obviously music is one of my greatest joys. I love sharing it with other people, especailly when it touches them in some way. You're one of the coolest people around here, Jesse and you have much to offer. Try and stay in the "now" and enjoy being alive. More "now" and less "then" is the key to fulfillment. Hey, the future is no picnic either. I used to worry about what was to come but I realized the futility of that too when I started learning about the art of Zen thinking.
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srm
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10/3/2008 10:14:00 AM
Round Two!
The past is past. The future is not promised. All we have is now.
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Jesse Adams
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10/3/2008 3:00:28 PM
---- Updated 10/3/2008 3:02:43 PM
Richard it was a little of the things you mentioned...
You guys make me realize that the coolest people I know are here at IAC. ;) Thanks for caring enough to offer some advice, very wise advice to boot.
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Gibby
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10/3/2008 5:05:09 PM
Hi Jesse I was just creeping around and noticed your blog . . .
man, at my age i been where you're at several time and the best advise i can give you relative to the rather cryptic details of your situation is from Japanese Proverbs I learned as a young martial artist. . .
"Fall down nine times. . . get up ten."
Hope it all gets better for you brother!
peace,
Gibby
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