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Bruce Lee
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11/25/2009 4:11:42 PM
joke Blog
here goes,..
A 12 year old boy was purchasing a half dozen candy bars as he would regularly. Upon recognizing the boy from frequent visits to the store, the know-it-all geezer who kept the bench in front of the store warm pipes up, "Hey kid, I see you have quite the affection for large quantities of candy." The boy replies, "yeah, so?" The geezer chuckles as he explains to the boy, "Too much candy will kill ya. Don't you know how unhealthy that is?" The boy raises his chin, "My Great Grandpa is over a hundred years old!" The geezer still wise, cuts in, "Well, I bet your Grandad didn't get to be that age by eating a pound of candy a day." The boy, without hesitation and a wince in his eye retorts, "NO, he minds his own *&^!ing business."
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Product Recall
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11/25/2009 6:43:30 PM
whats the difference between diner and a blow job?
Don't know?
fancy coming round mine for diner
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SILVERWOODSTUDIO
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11/26/2009 4:18:57 PM
Geezer in old folks home --talking animatedly to his first visitor for the day:
"How are ya pops'
"Not so bad---the food is rubbish, but I am careful what I eat, and I keep regular"
"that's great pops---i brought some grapes"
"Yep 8 oclock sharp every morning---regular as clockwork--off I go"
" I'm happy for ya pops---that is great"
"Well, not so great----I don't wake until nine!"
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Kevin White
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11/27/2009 7:05:37 PM
Near Xmas, a woman greets the postman at the door in a bathrobe and motions him inside.
He enters the kitchen where a full breakfast awaits. He's hungry and cold, so he eats heartily. Thinking a seasonal gift, he thanks his hostess.
She says, "Wait, that's not all." and motions him into the bedroom where she disrobes and they tryst.
Exhausted and satisfied, he says ... "That was incredible." She says, "And still that's not all!" She produces her purse, digs in, and hands him a one dollar bill.
Puzzled, he queries, "I'm not sure what this is all about?" She replies, "It was my husband's idea actually."
"That was your husband's idea?"
"Absolutely! I asked him what I should give the postman for Xmas. He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
"Breakfast was MY idea."
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HunkaFunk
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11/27/2009 8:24:22 PM
Some sons wanted to give their aging single father a gift he will never forget for his 70th. birthday. They hire a high priced hooker to go to his house and give him a 'special' gift. The dad hears a ring at the door and answers, to find the attractive hooker standing outside. She says "I'm here to give you super sex". He thinks about it for a moment, then says "I'll take the soup"
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Kevin White
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12/2/2009 5:12:20 PM
Guy gets so depressed he decides to call Lifeline.
Times being what they are, the call is routed to a call center in Pakistan.
He tells them he's feeling suicidal.
They get all excited and ask if he knows how to drive a truck.
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Slimdog Productions
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12/3/2009 12:09:29 PM
Blonde takes her shirt to the cleaners. On her way out cleaner says "Come again". Blonde says "No, it's toothpaste, you nosey asshole!"
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Kevin White
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12/4/2009 7:14:58 AM
A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had." The bartender asks, "What do you have?" The guy says, "75 cents."
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Sly Witt
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12/4/2009 8:23:31 AM
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer and a mop".
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Noah Spaceship
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12/4/2009 10:39:17 AM
A perplexed youth sits at the kitchen table staring at a blank peice of paper when his father asks, "What's with the blank stare?" The boy replies, "Well, Pop, we are supposed to write a real life story that demonstrates the difference between hypothetical and reality, but I am drawing a blank."
The father scratches his chin and peers blankly upward, "Hmm, that's a good one." He snaps his fingers as his face lights up, "I've got it! Tell you what,.. head upstairs and ask your mother if she would, for, say,.. $5,000.00, step out on me and have sex with another man." The boy's excitement immediately turns to confusion, "Dad,.. what? You want me to ask mom if she would cheat on you for 5 grand?" The father replies, "Just do it, trust me, this is a good one." Reluctantly the boy ascends the staircase and aproaches his mother with the question. In no time he returns to the kitchen shaking his head, "You aint going to like her answer,... she said she would do it in a New York second."
"yeah," the father says, "I figured. Now, go ask your sister if she would do the same thing. See if she would step out on her fiance for the 5." The boy laughs, "I know what her answer is going to be." His father snaps, "just do it." The boy returns with a snicker, "She said she'd do it for 5 grand, no prob." The father with a wise and synical smile leans in, "Well, son, you see, hypothetically we are sitting on $10,000.00, but in reality, we live with two whores."
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Slimdog Productions
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12/4/2009 2:17:59 PM
---- Updated 12/4/2009 2:23:53 PM
Drunk guy at the bar says to the bartender, "I bet you $75 if you slide a empty shot glass down the bar, I can piss in it without spilling a drop." The bartender looks at the drunk man, laughs and says, "You got a bet. This is a easy $75." So, the bartender gets the empty glass and slides it down the bar. The drunk pulls out his d*** and just pisses all over the bar without even hitting the shot glass. The bartender starts yelling, "I won!!! I won!!!". "No not really", says the drunk. "I just bet the guy sitting next to me $200 that I could piss on your bar and you'll be happy about it..."
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Slimdog Productions
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12/4/2009 2:22:36 PM
A drunk guy stumbles in a bar and starts yelling, "I AM GONNA SHIT ON EVERYONE IN THIS BAR EXCEPT THE LITTLE MAN IN THAT CORNER!!!". The liitle man hearing this, comes up to the drunk and says, "These are all my friends. If you shit on them you gonna have to shit on me as well bud!!!". The drunk just looks at the man and says, "I wasn't gonna shit on you little man. I was gonna use you to wipe my ass when I was through..."
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Steve April
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12/4/2009 3:03:34 PM
---- Updated 12/4/2009 10:36:42 PM
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Bruce Lee
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12/5/2009 2:33:12 AM
so this guy named steve walks into a bar
i can't remember the rest of the joke, but your mom's a whore
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