just personal stuff by Father Time on The Pipeline at IndieMusicPeople

just personal stuff

so anyway, this is probably inappropriate to post here, is the kind of thing you'd only say to your closest of friends, I don't really have anybody like that, even in my own household. but I've always intended the pipeline to be somewhere where you can unload/express whatever's going on in your head so I'm going to do that now.

so I've been trying to get along with my life, things got weird for me with my health problems from last spring. I'm pretty much totally healthy now except for my kidney thing which is treated and the fact that I have extremely low blood pressure which causes me occasionally to just fade out and leaves me in this place where I'm kind of aware that my time could come at any given point from here on out. I mean I intend to live til I'm 107 and my mind feels as strong as it's ever been but if I go tomorrow it would be no surprise to anyone in my immediate proximity.

So I have this issue with "my music". My identity, my self-worth has for at least 30 some years been wrapped around my songs, always felt those were the best part of me, always believed in the so-called dream but that dwindled down into nothing over the last 10 years. I finally understood, though it's still hard, that nobody gives a crap about my songs, that they're just something for me to play. I removed all my songs from my FT page last November and nobody noticed, even when I finally mentioned it only maybe 2 people made any effort to encourage me about it. Thanks to them. Anyway I don't mean to sound pitiful here, it is what it is. Thing is though in the back of my mind I'm still feeling I got music to make even though for who, for what, you know? My previous self-belief was a big part of my impetus, I just can't get off the mat right now. Some days it feels like it could be within reach, most days not even close.

Today I activated all the FT songs and videos, my god it was a lot of songs, took me an hour! The reason I did it was just this: When I'm dead it would just break my heart if my songs didn't still have life. As if they do. As if it matters when I'm dead. For some reason I feel really strongly about this at a time when I don't feel that strongly about much of anything. I just can't accept them fading away into the mist of humanity even though they barely register as the smallest grain of sand in an enormous desert. They're nothing at all but they're something to me, and I feel stupid for this. but it's me. I'm Father Time, and for awhile yet, I guess that's who I'm going to be.

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Bryon Tosoff

9/25/2018 6:39:03 PM

You should be Proud of all your accomplishments in your music FT, i have featured and written up on a many of them and placed on numerous stations throughout the years, they are scattered about on my little corner of this musical universe at IMP. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and glad your health has improved. Health is everything, very vital and take care of yourself. I do have some favs Virtual Star,Treadmill , Rock for the sake of Rock are right up there. Thanks for bouncing back and getting things cooking on your page again. They always remained playing on my stations though.

cheers
bryon

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Richard Scotti

9/25/2018 7:10:01 PM ---- Updated 9/25/2018 7:12:21 PM

It's difficult to find the right words to say to someone in your situation. We all have varying degrees of health problems and other existential dilemmas. Perhaps the one thing we all share on this website is that we feel that our music is under appreciated or we've tried to make a living with it and failed. Being an artist is one of hardest things one can be in life. It's a blessing and a curse at the same time. It takes courage and it's obvious that you have that trait in abundance. You also have an impressive catalog of songs and no one can take that away from you. You have a worthy legacy of art to put out into the world. That very fact should be of some comfort to you. Some folks have very little to leave behind. The number of people who like your work is not relevant. But the mere fact that there are people who like one's work at all is something to be treasured. Fame and fortune is all bullshit. It's not a measurement of worth. Like Ricky Nelson sang in Garden Party- "You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself". You are a "Virtual Star" and you have the songs to prove it. They will never fade away. They will always be blowin' in the wind and they will be felt. Embrace your reality and try to come to terms with it. Your music will carry you.

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Desperado Revue

9/25/2018 8:14:47 PM

The message on my " Rock On Desperado " station is " Make Myself A Different Set Of Rules ". I'm willing to bet that if you apply this you'll find yourself recording again.

Norm

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Steve April

9/25/2018 10:10:06 PM ---- Updated 9/25/2018 10:12:41 PM

"Explosion; 1. a violent release of confined energy, usually accompanied by a loud sound and shock waves; 2. the act of emerging violently from limits and restraints; 3. a sudden violent expression, as of emotion."
roget's thesaurus

Reading a bio of an aeronautics pioneer, Jack parsons, called Strange Angel. Among his great contributions in early 40s was hitting on asphalt for casings for solid fuel (jet fuel), a quantum leap over the "black powder" that resulted in instability and runaway explosions. One day he was driving on the LA freeway and noted roofers laying down the asphalt, and his mind went back to a myth about "Greek fire," the supposed mysterious substance the Greeks used in warfare, around 500 b.c. , that kept burning, and water could not put out. Due to the myth, he gave asphalt a try, and it worked.

An example of how serendipity led to a big breakthrough, for the receptive quester.

Music is an explosion... What starts as a gleam in our eye, amplifies to vibrations in space, it's plugging into the electric fields that connect us and the cosmos, and creating a newbie. Transformation.

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Stoneman

9/25/2018 11:31:58 PM

I feel you on so many fronts here. I mean, I understand mainly because I have been through some health issues in the last few years and I know how big of a thing that can be. I also understand you when you talk about your music and the mortality of it all. The only thing that we all know for sure is that one day we are going to lay down and die. But it is in those moments that we truly have a scare or two that the full enormity of it all sets in. This can lead to many things including pointed reflection and feelings of disappointment. It seems that nothing we had hoped to happen ever happened. Then, we wonder, well what was it all about then? The answer is as clear as the question. It was about life. Your life and doing the things that you wanted to do to make yourself happy. It has been a labor of love for you for many years. The music industry and trying to help others to gain some form of recognition whether it be from peers or the listening public. Your labor of love has been to try to accomplish for others the one thing you never got for yourself. In this endeavor I have seen you struggle but you have always managed to maintain whatever benchmarks you gain. That in itself is something to be celebrated and thankful for.

One of the things that I tell my students is that nothing great is going to happen to you in music. Everything great that happens to you will involve other people like your family and friends. And, other things like church, love, travel, sports and school. I tell them this because it is probably true. Of course, there are those few that I believe have enough talent, drive and luck to make a liar out of me. I will be cheering them on every step of the way if they do. But the first thing I teach them is the love of being a musician/creator/performer. I teach them that the love of the art is most likely the only pay they will ever receive from it. Psychologically, I am trying to prepare them for success because everything they achieve in music will be like receiving a bonus or something. I feel so bad that you took your music down an nobody noticed. But, you have to understand that we are all musicians and we are all mostly self consumed with our own music. As ratchet as that sounds it is the truth and we all know it. But don't take that personal. Were all musician assholes. No excuses, just the facts man. I have great respect for a whole lot of artists here but I dare say that if any one of them cleared their pages of music, I probably would not notice. Not because I don't care but because I am old and don't pay close enough attention to things like that. One thing that I know for sure is that we all care about you FT. In my mind, you are a great human being and I appreciate all that you do for this community and musicians everywhere. Don't be so hard on yourself man. Dreams do come true. I will prove it to you one day. Don't give up the fight brother. From a purely selfish stand point I say this because we need you to be here healthy and happy. Much Respect, Stoneman

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Larree

9/26/2018 5:56:47 PM ---- Updated 9/26/2018 5:57:15 PM

I feel ya, bro. No one seems to give a fuck about my music these days. That could change, but it doesn't really matter. I play for me. And if people dig it, cool. And if no one digs it - I know that I can entertain myself if the power goes out.

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9/26/2018 10:47:27 PM

There's the saying "Only The Good Die Young" and that's why you and I have little to worry about Scott, we're both going to outlive everyone here, hehehe!

But on a serious note, you can't let lack of recognition musically get you down regardless of how good or bad you are. To quote my late brother-in-law, everyone has a hit song in them and it's very true. There's nothing more abundant than musical talent in the world but where are they all going to fit?

When I first plotted a music career it was the hopes of becoming a staff writer one day. And I recall at about age 22 I figured I had 10 years to burn and if I made it hooray, if not at least I could say I tried and there wouldn't be any hurt feelings if it didn't work out. But life got in the way of that and I pretty much forgot about that part of my life until nearly age 40 when I dusted off an old song and decided to keep going.

So here today I sit in the same predicament as you but I have no disappointment at all, I knew ahead what the real odds were and was prepared for any outcome. There were a few opportunities I regret missing out on but again, I'm mostly a studio guy, I don't have the big voice and the guy who did just wasn't that motivated and that's ok, I'm lucky I had him sing as long as he did. But the writing was on the wall, it was time to walk away and I did with no regrets.

But keep doing what you love, you know you had songs that with the right timing could have ruled the airways at one time, and that's true with everyone here. It's all about timing again. If the Beatles hadn't met Brian Epstein they would have never made it to America. If Tom Wilson hadn't added electric guitar to "Sound Of Silence" Simon & Garfunkel would have remained broken up and even The Everly Bros had called it a day until their last record for that time "Wake Up Little Susie" took off and gave them a career. And for everyone of them there are literally 1000's more who were just as if not more talented that never got that break.

And it's a far different world than the one we grew up in. No more waiting hours for the record store to open for the newest Stones or Beatles release, people just tap their phones a few times and it's instant gratification. For every song that was in circulation back in the day there are now 1000's, all just a few keystrokes away. We're going the way of Ragtime and the Big Band era and it's ok..

Anything I missed??? Yeah, stay well.

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9/26/2018 11:12:30 PM

And yes, sometimes miracles still really happen..

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Father Time

9/28/2018 3:24:26 PM

thanks all..

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Chandra Moon

10/2/2018 4:41:20 AM

Surely we all feel this way! I'm the same. I've recorded two albums properly and even though there's tons I'd change about them now I'm very happy to think that from time to time someone will listen and relate to a song, a lyric or a tune that I wrote! It's a wonderful feeling that people have streamed tracks here and on other platforms too and maybe been touched by something.

Music is a fantastic way of communicating feelings and to me it's not about the number of people who appreciate it but the getting it out there and if only a few people hear and enjoy it or feel better for it then job done!

Well done for putting your music back out there xx

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