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Santa Claus
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12/19/2015 2:44:57 PM
---- Updated 12/19/2015 2:49:46 PM
My story
I wasn't born Santa Claus. It all started when I was 27 and lonely. My most recent girlfriend had dumped me. I wasn't jolly.
It was then I came up with a great plan. Our community would always have this Christmas gathering by the Lion's Hall that I had attended since I was a youngster. Basically you walked thru a line and they gave you an orange and a box of candy. I had found an old Santa Claus costume in the attic and decided that for that night I would be St. Nick.
When I arrived there I was amazed at the response. Everybody gave me big smiles and said Hi Santy! It was the best night of my life. At this point I decided I would starting at the beginning of every Christmas season dress up as Santa wherever I went, and it never failed. Kids loved me, their parents loved me, everybody was always nice to me. I felt I was born to be Santa. Even at workplaces and at the tax collector's office, everybody loved me. I knew right then that if they wanted to stop my Santa poaching, they'd have to rip the Santa suit off my cold dead cadaver, I would be Santa forever.
Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas!
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Noah Spaceship
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12/19/2015 5:33:32 PM
That's creepy.
Do you volunteer or help the needy?
Is this just a self serving endeavor?
Very American of you.
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Santa Claus
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12/19/2015 5:56:29 PM
I ring a bell sometimes to get cash for Arbys.
Everybody's happy to see me, it's a public service.
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12/20/2015 2:02:58 AM
Well...
you want the bad news or the good news first, Santa?
The bad news, is my wife died three years ago this day after Christmas...
and since you're Santa, when I see you, I am so going to beat the crap
right the hell out of you. Yep. I said it.
The good news?
Since you found a Santa suit and put it on,
and everybody went "Hi Santy!" that means,
you are not the Original Santa.
So, you're a dork, but you're safe.
It's the real one I got a beef with.
Ho Ho Ho RUN YOU SUNUVABITCH.
~L
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12/20/2015 2:07:44 AM
Now.
Allow me now, all of you, including you "Santy"...
to apologize for my outburst a moment ago...
It really is a tough time of year for me,
Van's the one who made Christmas Christmas for me,
so now...
well I did make a nice Christmas record or two...
Just put out a new one.
And NO, Kids, Lesley isn't REALLY gonna kick the crap
out of Santa Claus. Then EVERYBODY Loses Out.
But it's a hard time of year for me. Oh well, that's life as a widower,
kinda sucks but what can you do.
Go have a listen to my new one "Tropical Christmas"
which is both a beautiful new Christmas song,
very nice and feel free to sing along...
and it's even got a bit of an ecological heads up in there somewhere....
God Bless, Much Love, ~Lesley
Sorry Arby's Santa...
Sorry Real One....
Ho Ho Ho Bring My Wife Chocolates In Heaven! Please. I said please.
What.
She likes chocolate.
~L
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Rudolf
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12/20/2015 2:24:26 AM
I'm Santa's little helper, he is a friend of mine
I don't have human features, I'm more rangiferine
I lead the pack on Christmas night, I pull those heavy sacks
My nose is red and glowing, don't need no phone or fax
For you will see me coming, and Christmas will be fine
I'll never let old Santa down on this seasonal Pipeline
So if your world is chilly and you can't pull Santa's sleigh
Be sure, when I get back I'll have some gifts to bring your way
If you are left out in the cold, I know just what you need
A special Rudolf cuddle and bags of Christmas feed
And after all the parties, the dancing and the wine
We'll still be here together on the old Pipeline.
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Noah Spaceship
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12/20/2015 4:58:24 AM
We love you, Lesley. Praying for chocolate.
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12/20/2015 8:46:20 AM
Thanks Noah. I love you all too.
This brought tears to my eyes. Thanks and Bless you.
Bless us all. Bless Indie Music People.
Bless the Army of Santas (have you ever counted? there's quite a few!)
~L
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