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chrysesofia
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3/8/2006 6:43:53 PM
the last interesting dream i had
so wait i finally figured out what this dream is about.
here is the dream:
we came in the house … it was this house, basically. “we” being … me and my husband, and his brothers i think, and one of their wives (who is actually dead) and daughter, and my dad, who has alzheimer's, and a bunch of other guys. who were relatively anonymous but they were all dressed like … workmen, contractors. construction people. and they were all congratulating me for something i had done, or was going to do, or something. so my dad and i and my dead sister-in-law and her daughter went into the kitchen. and my dad sat at the counter, except we were on the wrong sides of the counter, and i was explaining to him that we were going to sell the house and move back to my old hometown or thereabouts. and he was happy about this, for some reason. now all the guys had gone upstairs into one of the rooms, and there was music; they were jamming or something. and i went upstairs and i wanted to go in but i thought i shouldn’t intrude. so in the hallway there was a window out onto the roof, like in my stepson’s room (in fact in the dream they were in his room). so i climbed out on the roof, which was flat now that i recall, and as soon as i got out there i saw the snake. it was the size of a normal large poisonous snake, and by its coloring i immediately knew it was a dangerous poisonous snake, it was … yellow on the ends and pinker in the middle … except it was made of metal. the yellow parts were brass and the pinker parts were like the color of rose gold or something. and it was jointed the way those toy wooden snakes are. but it was big, and it was a real snake. it was about … 10 feet away from me, and as soon as it saw me it straightened itself up for attack and launched itself at me, like at my face, my head. i raised my right arm to fend it off, and it got like part of a fang into me but i managed to grab it and it was really wildly thrashing and i dropped it off the roof. so i had a kind of gash in my right arm near my wrist, exactly where it should be. i had a cell phone or something in my pocket so i called downstairs to the kitchen and told them to call 911, i’ve been bitten by a snake. so i climbed back in the window, with this sense of impending doom, and i go downstairs, and my dad is nowhere to be seen (now that i recall) and my dead sister-in-law and her daughter are still there and my dead sister-in-law is … facing me but ignoring me, kind of off to the side, and her daughter is in front of me but with her back to me. now i’m really pissed off because they obviously have not done anything. “i’ll fucking call 911,” and so i did. and then after that wasn’t really anything. i kind of remember being in a car with a medical guy going to the hospital, but then we never got to the hospital … i think we ended up in some town, i was with my son, and we didn’t have any shoes, and we were trying to figure out how to make some kind of footwear out of anything we could find. we were thinking about using soda bottles.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
i had been thinking about this kind of hyperbolic representation that “music was my father and books were my mother” in several senses … that i was not nurtured by them, i was nurtured more by the contents of books and music than by my parents, but also that those were also their influences on me and contributions to my life. my mom was about making sure i had books, and my dad supplied all the music.
but this is a division of labor and a division of … character.
i think the dream ends up being about how the men in my life ultimately are always too busy with music to bother with me. to give me any caring. but how i also feel that … being a girl … asking for their help is really “being a girl” and … pointing up the distinction between us when i really want to be like them, be accepted by them. i want in, but i am not worthy. and how the women are always in the kitchen with their backs to me … because just now listening to wak
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3/8/2006 7:41:51 PM
so were you comfortable on the roof before you saw the snake ? How about after you dealt with it ? Do you think you'd like to go out on that roof again ?
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chrysesofia
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3/9/2006 9:05:58 AM
i ... as soon as my feet hit the roof i saw the snake. there was no interval. but i was comfortable =going= out on the roof. this is something i have often done in my life, if i can fit out the window. i never really did figure out why i was going out on the roof (except maybe to dull the feeling of being ignored), but it seemed to be ... natural to me to do so. it was comfortable doing it. ~ i could go out on the roof at any time. whatever it symbolizes, it's something that feels normal to me, even though i'm aware most people don't do it or feel compelled to. i know that there is a danger in it, but i rather enjoy the physical paradigm shift, using whatever muscles i have to use to adjust to the slant. it's a different feeling, like a roller coaster. it's a different perspective and a different awareness of my abilities. hm.
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chrysesofia
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3/9/2006 9:13:04 AM
oh, and after i dealt with the snake, once i dropped it off the roof, i was no longer concerned about the snake, out of sight out of mind, but i was worried whether i was going to die. i hadn't =felt= any injury even though there was a wound on my arm, so i didn't have any gauge of how much venom i might have gotten. then i was just pissed, because i had asked the women in the kitchen downstairs for help, in what was obviously potentially an emergency (i really never ask for help with anything unless absolutely necessary), and they (predictably) ignored me. but by the time i knew they weren't doing anything, i also knew i wasn't going to die, because i already would have been dead. *L* so then i handled it myself. once i had handled it, it became a non-issue.
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chrysesofia
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3/9/2006 9:18:32 AM
---- Updated 3/9/2006 12:44:52 PM
oh my god ... out the window ... it's not about the roof, it's about the window.
that's what i was writing a song about at the time. ... ah ah ah going out the window is expressing ... i couldn't, first, i couldn't get out, and then later i could but i didn't know i could; but once i can then there are other risks to deal with. i might get bitten by ... something interesting and unforeseen and unidentifiable. but obviously i can handle them. ... some of my favorite paintings have always been the vermeers ... with the woman at the window. ha!
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3/9/2006 3:00:48 PM
That sounds like a good topic for a song, about the window. I do wonder though why you're having this feeling of being ignored. You somehow strike me as the type who can easily get attention whenever you need to.
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chrysesofia
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3/9/2006 4:04:38 PM
[yeah the window song is good--it doesn't have a bridge and has no pretensions to be anything more than it is. what's interesting is that it's the dream that is telling me much more about what the song is about than i thought it was, rather than vice versa as i would expect.] but i am very choosy about when, and why, i want attention and when i don't. people either realize i have nothing in common with them and ignore me, which i'm very comfortable with, or don't realize i have nothing in common with them and are intrusive. an example is just now--i was just feeling incredibly relaxed now that i have a place to lay my brain out ... and then there is this guy i work with who seems to feel it's his job to make me "take a break" (which everyone seems to be obsessed with) and go be social with people. i think he thinks he's doing me a favor ... it absolutely infuriated me ... but i have to be nice ... so i had to escape into the bathroom and then go sneak back to my business. i have some ... skills for getting attention when i want it ... but i don't know how to fend it off when i don't want it, and i usually don't. unsolicited attention ... and often, solicited attention ... has always had undesirable consequences that i don't know how to deal with. ...oh ... maybe that's the snake. oh oh oh.
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chrysesofia
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3/9/2006 6:29:13 PM
but wait now ... how exactly can i possibly, at arm's length, strike you as "the type who can easily get attention" whenever i need to? what is that type, and in what respect do i conform to it? it interests me because i'm wired to avoid attention ... but you seem to think you know something that i'm not aware i have conveyed.
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