chrysesofia
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8/22/2007 8:24:48 AM
it got nasty because it was totally unexpected. i was angry, but often i don't know what to do with anger--i don't let myself get angry, so it just depresses me.
but that was a long time ago. this makes me cringe a little :) melodrama and all that. the words are not really me, some of them.
everything turns into an experiment .. i wonder if writing sometimes isn't a distraction from the feelings as much as an expression of them. like ... once i start putting it into words ... i want to make a puzzle out of it. and then doing the puzzle shifts the focus from the unacceptability of something that i can't wrap my brain around ... to converting it to something else that i =can= wrap my brain around, dammit.
it's mysterious. i can go for months without feeling compelled to write in that way ... but when it shows up it's like an ecstatic fever ... and when the work is done, it goes away and i can no longer remember how that happened. like orgasm or tornado, anything that is so intense in the moment that you are just living it, not paying attention to what it looks like or where it came from.
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