fly on the wall
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12/6/2007 4:18:57 AM
I was on real TV twice in the last week!
T'was a remarkable turn of events.
I was on my third date with this new girlfriend. We met 2 weeks ago when she was arguing with the cashier at the 7-11 about the availability of certain condiments and I immediately knew she was my type, not to mention that she was halfway beautiful from the vantage point of the buzz I was ridin' that night. So this past weekend I took her out to McDonalds and we were nuzzling between eating our sandwiches when a literal entourage of people, some holding large TV cameras came charging in. I immediately recognized Joey Greco of the show Cheaters. I was about to say 'Hi Joey' when out of the corner of my eye I saw this big dumb guy with a large tattoo on his neck storming at me. I was unable to brace myself in time and he thrusted me across the floor til I toppled over the Happy Meal display. He was shoutin' "That's my baby mama you're with" whatever that means. I was able to stand up and temporarily buy myself some time by grabbing a strawberry milkshake off a nearby table and throwing it into his eyes. Always resourceful, I then hopped behind the counter and pulled a basket of fries right out of the hot oil and swung it towards the big guy's head. He yowled like a wounded dog and at that point the Cheaters Case Squad got between me and him, so then the guy turned his attention to my date. He said "You're gonna spoil everything we've had for 14 years for this twerp?" She responded that if he doesn't come home, she'll do what she needs to do, even if it means f-ing some mama's boy. I said "Hey!" She never told me she had a man. So, she went home with him to what is no doubt a wonderful life. ba-da-bing I ended up with a bruised thigh and I had to buy another milkshake to replace the one I used as a weapon. Also I ended up with an extra uneaten apple pie.
As if that wasn't bad enough, a few days later I got a call asking if I'd be willing to take a blood test for the Maury Povich show, that some former one-night squeeze of mine was insisting that I'm the daddy of her little boy. I happen to know I wasn't, because of where my climax landed, but this show paid 500 dollars and 2 nights motel stay in LA so I said what the fuck. Interesting side note: while backstage at the show, Connie Chung slipped me a key to her private townhouse. I'll get back to the story now. They brought me out on stage and there were comparison pictures set up, one of little Joshua and one of me. It was pretty obvious I wasn't the father because Christ, this baby was ugly. Then Melissa got in my face, started pointing, and said you gonna pay, Fly, you better support your baby! She was hopped up on something, I think they gave her energy drinks intravenous before sending her out. She was so annoying. I remembered why I left the motel that night when she was in the bathroom. chacha Then came the moment of truth, Povich opened the manila envelope and said "Fly on the Wall, You are NOT the father" She ran backstage crying and I did the most fabulous victory dance to the utter roar of the crowd. Maury asked me if I would still consider visiting the baby. I said No Way, that butt-ugly kid is on his own!
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Fiona
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12/6/2007 4:49:28 AM
Hi, I see you before funny person fly, you make good tease but I was really on TV and I tell. It was program for surgery that was bad. All ladies in my family have problem but no money in Poland. So in USA I reduce because of difficulty with pole you know and other stuff I can't say for boring you in public. Anyway it went bad and I go on program to show other ladies too big that it is not for worrying about. These things are nature you know. Now I use money from exposing on TV for putting good again. I say to ladies with problems, save for special little ones in your life, that is better and good you think no?
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