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IAC Prime Member
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Two Silo Complex
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3/17/2017 11:18:58 PM
The one who's time in the sun has never come
I am one who's time in the sun has never come
The road I walk is paved in broken glass but I wear nothing on my feet
Each step tears the flesh until I walk upon bone and yet then the glass does not stop its bite it bores into even the bone wearing it away
Some ask why I keep walking when each step bears fresh agony but you see there is not a choice
Broken dreams and tarnished hopes they chase me they bear down upon me with their ghastly breath
It smells like a corpse and sends chills to my core where once a fire burned
But now even the ashes are swept away and there is nothing but this baron lanscape full of ghosts and demons each one worst than the last
abandon all hope ye you enter here for hope is beyond reason and darkness reigns without respite
I know now what I've know all along but could not bear to face it so instead it forced itself upon me so there was no escape
Now the truth is told now the way is clear the only one that ever was
The way that I now must go and have always been going the way no one else may go but me
I do not even dare bother wish it was different because that path
never was or ever will be
So I walk this walk that only I do and will do so until the walkings done
Even then there will be no rest for the wicked the demons and ghosts will descend upon me and tear me to sunder
As they do destiny is fulfilled
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Father Time
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3/18/2017 12:10:02 AM
Nice!
You're not the only one in this boat btw.
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Psyche's Muse
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3/18/2017 1:46:12 AM
Holy Shit! TSC
...and I mean "shit" as in "fertilizer". -M-
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3/18/2017 12:26:54 PM
Yeah, man.
Better move on over on that Group W bench,
'cause, you have company, Dog.
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Two Silo Complex
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3/23/2017 12:48:26 PM
FT, Physic Muse, and ALJ,
It both pains me to know that there are others who actually do understand the depths of this but yet I think that you do.
It makes me sad to hear that there are others like me who's time in the sun has never come and who's road is also paved in glass as yours has been.
I know your intentions were to say that you've been there too and appreciate the brotherhood as it were to be one of the few instead of one of the many.
To be despised for who and what we are but yet not able to or have a desire to escape it.
It is we who have accepted our fate as it has been handed to us and it is we who carry on when the others have fallen away.
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SILVERWOODSTUDIO
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3/25/2017 8:13:04 PM
There is a road, no simple highway
Between the dawn, and the dark of night
And if you go, no one may follow
That path is for, your steps alone
Grateful Dead "Ripple"
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Richard Scotti
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3/26/2017 12:36:35 PM
---- Updated 3/26/2017 1:00:04 PM
I selected a few lines of your post that made me want to ask some questions. Feel free not to answer. As the previous posters mentioned we all have certain burdens to bear, myself included. I'm sending positive thoughts your way and although what you've said seems quite nihilistic I hope that somehow you find some kind of solace in this life. I've seen first hand how people came back from horrible experiences and led satisfying lives. My life was no bed of roses (mostly just thorns). But somehow I cobbled together a life that gives me a purpose.
I am one who's time in the sun has never come
Question: You have never known any happiness at all in your entire life?
The road I walk is paved in broken glass but I wear nothing on my feet
Questions: Why do you walk on a road with broken glass? Is that the only road available to you at this time? Why not wear shoes that protect your feet? (metaphorically speaking) Are you trying punish yourself for something?
"abandon all hope ye you enter here for hope is beyond reason and darkness reigns without respite"
Question: Have you abandoned all hope?
"I know now what I've known all along but could not bear to face it so instead it forced itself upon me so there was no escape"
Question: How was it forced on you? Why is there no escape?
I do not even dare bother wish it was different because that path never was or ever will be
Question: You never wish it was different? When you say a different path NEVER was or will be, it implies that you were doomed from birth. Were you?
Even then there will be no rest for the wicked the demons and ghosts will descend upon me and tear me to sunder
Question: Who are the wicked demons and ghosts? Why are they determined to tear you asunder?
As they do destiny is fulfilled
Question: Do you believe that your destiny is be torn asunder? What keeps you going? Have you ever sought some kind of assistance in coping with this living nightmare?
To be despised for who and what we are but yet not able to or have a desire to escape it.
Question: Why are you despised for who and what you are? Why do you not have a desire to escape it?
It is we who have accepted our fate as it has been handed to us and it is we who carry on when the others have fallen away.
Statement: I admire you for not falling away.
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3/26/2017 12:52:25 PM
Well said.
And yes, we who have not fallen away,
naturally have appreciation for anyone else who has
refused to 'go gently into that good night'...
and while, I've not seen the sun in so long,
that I've grown completely able to navigate in constant night...
and that having now been said.
Always wash your face anyway before you go out,
in case the sun ever comes back.
Guess what I mean by that is,
those of us having been 'run through the mill'
probably more or less agree,
you brace for the worst maybe,
but it's good to keep, somehow, hoping for the best.
Like, if you give up keeping hope alive in yourself,
well then you're telling yourself, you want to see down as up,
and do you really?
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Two Silo Complex
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3/27/2017 6:02:04 PM
that's a great quote Rob.
To Richard I answer you this but before I answer I want to thank you for taking the time to read and ponder your questions. I am humbled yet again by your kindness.
Question: You have never known any happiness at all in your entire life?
I never said I did not know any happiness in life what I said was "I am one who's time in the sun has never come" which means that although there have been good times which I am thankful for as far as a whole I do not feel that the sun shines upon me nor do I believe it ever will but instead I am cast into the cold of the shadow only to get a glimpse of what I might be to be in the sun and left all the more bitter for it.
Questions: Why do you walk on a road with broken glass?
Good question ask the one who built the road it was not me. I was just placed upon it.
Is that the only road available to you at this time? Everywhere I turn the road bends to meet me.
Why not wear shoes that protect your feet? Ask he who put me on this road knowing it was paved in glass provided no shoes and none are available.
(metaphorically speaking) Are you trying punish yourself for something? I do believe I'm being punished for something by something or someone but I'm not sure it’s for something I did it may or may not be yet I pay the price.
Question: Have you abandoned all hope?
This is a difficult question. At times it seems even hope is futile in this abyssal trench once in a while I think I see some and then its snatched away which makes it worse than if there was never any hope at all.
Question: How was it forced on you? It was forced upon me by a life time of circumstances beyond my control.
Why is there no escape?
How do you escape from your destiny Richard? You can't make a destiny that does not exist.
If you are meant to walk you shall walk, if you are meant to be crippled you shall be crippled, if you are meant to live in darkness you will do so.
Question: You never wish it was different? I never said I never wished it was different. At one time I believed there might be hope that there might be away out but when you have been battered and bruised as badly as I have been you don't bother fooling yourself with such ideas any longer.
When you say a different path NEVER was or will be, it implies that you were doomed from birth. Were you?
That is a very good question to which I myself would like an answer. Why have I been subjected to such a life of torment when others get the easy road? It is a question I cannot answer but wish I could.
Question: Who are the wicked demons and ghosts?
Oh there are many demons and ghosts too many at this point in my life to even count. Some are past regrets, some are people I've lost, some are things I've done that can never be set right.
Why are they determined to tear you asunder? They tear me asunder because that is what they are created for. Each thing has a purpose a damn holds back the waters and angel bestows blessings demons and ghost haunt you and rip you to pieces because that is what they do.
Question: Do you believe that your destiny is being torn asunder?
At this point I believe that is what will happen and the end of my time all those things I mentioned above regrets, past people lost all things added together will tear the last shred of the cloth.
What keeps you going?
In part this answers your next question I keep going for one reason that is not great but that is that what I was meant to do. I was not meant to give up. I was not meant to go quietly. I was meant to fight the good fight until my last breath and so while I live and breathe I do so with some help along the way from people who care enough to spend the time like you have here Richard.
Have you ever sought some kind of assistance in coping with this living nightmare? As I mentioned I do have some help from some sources so I am grateful that I am not alone in my battle but it’s still a long difficult battle.
Question: Why are you despised for who and what you are?
I am despised for what I am because I do not fall in with what the world wants. I defy those who would try to break or tame me and so there wrath is all the more.
Why do you not have a desire to escape it?
I have no desire to escape it because I know I can't. Why have a desire for something that can't be obtained and only leaves you with yearning? That would be like never working a day in your life and expecting one day to be rich. It’s not possible unless you’re very lucky and win the lottery or inherit a fortune.
It is we who have accepted our fate as it has been handed to us and it is we who carry on when the others have fallen away.
Statement: I admire you for not falling away.
Thank you for your admiration yet I'm not sure how much it’s deserved. Do you admire the trees for being trees? I do the same as they do as they. What they were meant to do.
TSC
Ken
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3/29/2017 11:52:19 AM
---- Updated 3/29/2017 12:01:40 PM
I rather do admire trees for hanging in there and remaining trees.
It's harder than it looks. I can't stand in one spot that long. Judos Kudos, Trees.
And Judos Kudos to you too Ken.
Sometimes, take it from me friend, I know only too well,
sometimes life isn't about waiting for a sunny day which may never come,
but about learning how to dance in the rain.
Which makes it sound like I've mastered it, and no, not quite yet.
I have learned though I can easily get away with pissing in the rain.
Absolutely no one notices, I've gotten away with that once or twice.
Maybe. I might be making that up. Never know.
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3/29/2017 11:59:04 AM
Anyway, I realize I'm a bit complex and sometimes,
no one can even tell what it is I'm saying. Well there's this one bird,
she fathoms it, but she bores as easily as I do,
and I can't remember what I said ten minutes ago. Hope she's at least
enjoying the lofty view...
My point is, uh, meet ooh.
I said that wrong.
Me Too.
There, that's better if not betty if not belfry and six'll get you eight.
And five for a quarter.
A whole lot of people, including you, including me,
are still 'waiting for their moment',
in my case, I've actually blown a few magic moments,
shit that could have been insanely big breaks for me,
and I blew 'em, right out of the water.
Forget about getting me to talk about what,
'cause I won't do it.
You live you learn,
and sometimes, you learn after you've fucked it all up anyway.
But, we have, here and now.
As long as we have a breath in us, Ken,
we still have that, here and now, here and now, here and now...
don't let the playground of life pass you by without playing in it. play in it.
regardless of what the fucking sun is doing,
because everybody knows the sun is one fickle bitch to begin with.
and in the end it'll blow up and cook us all, jolly good.
There's always some damned thing one can have a headache about.
I'm not telling you what to think, what to do, how to view your circumstances.
I am telling you,
I myself, realizing, I've been handed one right bunch of stinkies,
decided, I can whine about stinkies,
or I can just go ahead and do stuff anyway.
You don't have to let go of Hope.
That's harder than it looks and twice as painful as you might imagine.
You let go, of the need,
for that goddamed fucking sunny day, to rear it's lying head.
You just, do it anyway. I sincerely hope this helps, though I doubt it will.
Okay you win.
Sucks to be you.
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Two Silo Complex
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3/29/2017 1:33:08 PM
Hey ALJ,
I'm not ignoring you and I do appreciate your thoughts and understanding of such things that are hard to understand for some.
I do thank you for your company. While others passed by not taking time out of the day to notice you did and some others did too.
Your recent comments gave me a pause. I will say that I'm not trying to "win" anything here but these were thoughts that I had in a difficult time and that time has not yet passed or become less difficult but I am making my way down my road paved in glass. I am passing mile markers all the same.
In response to some things you said:
"Sometimes, take it from me friend, I know only too well,
sometimes life isn't about waiting for a sunny day which may never come,
but about learning how to dance in the rain."
Do you dance when someone or something takes a sledge hammer and smashes into a pulp laughs about it then smashes you again? That is my life right now.
"As long as we have a breath in us, Ken,
we still have that, here and now, here and now, here and now..."
This I agree with and I take the here and now and breathe the air and I do not take it for granted because I know that even this can be taken away at any moment.
"don't let the playground of life pass you by without playing in it. play in it.
regardless of what the fucking sun is doing,
because everybody knows the sun is one fickle bitch to begin with."
That is an interesting thought that I must consider more closely, Is the sun truly a fickle bitch or does she just choose to shine on some and not others maybe that is the fickle part about it. I do intend to play upon the playground regardless.
"in the end it'll blow up and cook us all, jolly good.
There's always some damned thing one can have a headache about."
True enough but I go back to your previous statement that until that happens we still have the here and now and no matter how much misery there is to hold in it I would rather that than fade to the abyss.
"I can whine about stinkies, or I can just go ahead and do stuff anyway."
Oh I do plenty of stuff anyway but occasionally in said doing stuff I grow weary and these heavy thoughts weigh upon me.
"You don't have to let go of Hope. That's harder than it looks and twice as painful as you might imagine."
This is a very good observation and one I think that you have known personally so I keep this one close to me when the darkness comes that I might poke it in the eye with your words.
"you let go, of the need,for that goddamed fucking sunny day, to rear it's lying head."
This is another interesting thought but then I go back to what you said about not losing hope and it sounds like this is giving in.
That is one thing no matter how hard I am beaten down I refuse to do. I will not give in and I will not surrender if the sun shines it does, if the rain falls it does, if the snow falls let it fall.
I stand like the tree and move like the wind all the same.
I shall remain as I always have been.
The one who keeps walking the road, the one who shines and becomes the sun, The one who can be the candle in the dark, the torch that lights the way home.
TSC,
Ken
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Father Time
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3/29/2017 1:35:58 PM
I went thru a spell last year where I didn't know where to turn, didn't know where I stood with people, didn't know who I was, really. I got this phone number of a lady I know who does counseling online, but it was around then I started to get my bearings again and never did call her.
I also had what I call a near nervous breakdown in the mid-80s. I was working for the government and worked with this same crew of people like 60 hours a week for 18 months straight. It got so I started to imagine I could read their minds. I was really weirding out cause I started to deal with them based on what I thought they were thinking. Eventually I was sure that they were all consumed with me and talking about me all the time. It was at this point a government social worker came to have a talk with me. He said that my symptoms were something he dealt with in folks all the time, that I had this natural inclination to have empathy for the underdog. and that this was behind what was making me bonkers. Told me to worry about myself, not others so much. I don't know that I ever got cured of that.
so who finds a place in the sun anymore other than blonde girls who can fly?
Somebody will eventually, I hope I'm alive to see it cause we need another King Elvis real bad.
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3/29/2017 3:27:35 PM
Well, far be it from me to miss a cue.
Hello and Thank you vury much.
Okay, Ken, you make a big point about talkin' 'bout literally
walkin' on a road paved with broken glass.
I'm thinkin' you're a 'glass half empty' kinda guy.
And that's cool, everybody's gotta be somethin'.
I begin to suspect though, you are bewildered,
and want somebody to give you permission to just quit tryin'.
Nothin' doin' here, Compadre.
Me, I'm just gonna tell you to get the fuck up off your ass,
and fuckin' try harder, or don't, but then, you chose that.
You think I have shit easy?
I had to accept a whole lotta stuff,
and it wasn't nice, wasn't fun, wasn't kind, wasn't remotely humane.
More than I'll talk about,
even if you will talk about this shit nobody wanna hear anyway.
I just refuse to lose, and that is all there is to it.
It's personal by now.
Now, you wanna lay there, whining in your own feces, like you invented
feeling completely out sized and out classed by your predicament,
you go ahead Son.
Some of us, just don't stop there. That's all.
Yes, you've clearly had it rough,
nobody gets to talkin' like that, if they ain't.
But,
what are you gonna do with it?
You got two choices, you rise (who wrote that? I don't know, sounds familiar)
and you meet the bombardment of bullshit, or you go 'oh well',
and let it drag you under.
And frankly my friend, you make too much goddamned noise,
to sell me on you're ready to just go under.
So thems your choices. Rise up. Or get sucked under.
And by the way, this will be the last damned thing I post in this thread,
because, if your gig is systematically point by point,
take everything I say, and produce an argument for it,
then you don't even mean what this thread is saying,
you're only here to waste folk's time,
and I got me some better shit to do with My Time.
You want the truth? You can handle it?
Get up off the ground you wuss-ass.
There. You're welcome.
Go on, pick my shit apart now if you wanna,
but believe me, I ain't playin' this game with you no more Son.
You feel me?
You wanna be a winner? Get the hell up. Keep trying.
Maybe someone will come along and give you permission
to be a crying whining wimp-ass, but it won't be me, pal.
Nope, I'm the other guy.
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Two Silo Complex
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3/29/2017 4:20:25 PM
First off I'm not apologizing for engaging in a conversation you willingly took part in. and it’s not my problem if you can't handle than fact that I can pick apart anything you say faster than you can say it.
Elvis aren't you dead or something maybe you should stay that way.
You sure don't pass much for reading comprehension class do you?
If you have not noticed I've already gotten up and I'm still standing.
You don't know shit about my shit.
So excuse me all to hell if once in a while in a whirlwind of shit spews upon me I don't find it pleasant and I happen to articulate its unpleasantness
Does it mean I threw in the white flag fuck no that's for pussies but I'll be damned if I'll be told to smile as I'm bent over because that isn’t my style maybe it’s yours does not make it mine.
I'll stamp your comments "return to sender" that's one of yours in case you forgot since you don't seem to read to well.
over and out
If Elvis has left the building thank God for that.
And don't go "crying like a hound dog" as you indicated put on you big boy pants and deal with it.
TSC,
Ken
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4/3/2017 9:16:28 AM
You should be a movie critic, you'd be awful and fit right in.
The energy that went into coming up with one witticism after another,
you should only live your life with that much gusto, man.
So once in your life, somebody gives you the 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps'
talk and well maybe you already heard that talk and don't have any use for it.
Whatever man, I stop caring at a certain point.
Poor you. The one upon whom the sun has never shown.
Maybe if you didn't spend so much time up your own ass, you'd see
a sunny day or two, man.
I ain't much, but I'm me. In whatever mode of me I choose, man.
You do what you want, you post what you want,
and you go on and say whatever witty thing about me you fancy, girlfriend.
Sounds like a bunch of whining to me, man.
The Dude Abides.
Later...
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