burning out,.. by Noah Spaceship on The Pipeline at IndieMusicPeople

burning out,..
caring too much about all the wrong things will make a motherfucker burn the fuck out.

wanting the best for others is not always best for others.

wanting to share and forcing your ideas can backfire

..usually do

letting things grow on their own and minding your own is still caring

fucked if you do, fucked if you don't

can't drive all the time

certainly can't drive across a burned bridge.

oh well, right?

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9/1/2015 12:10:52 AM

Sounds like you're overthinkin' stuff. If it has to do with stuff going on online, my advice to you would be this - get some sleep, when you wake up everybody will have forgotten most of the crap you're worried about.

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Noah Spaceship

9/1/2015 12:52:32 AM

black lives matter - racism debate has me all twisted

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Noah Spaceship

9/1/2015 1:01:55 AM ---- Updated 9/1/2015 1:04:10 AM

some fucking deep shit, and I don't know which way is up and I want to be a good person, but feel so handicapped not being able to truly relate and fight along side my darker skinned brothers whom I care so deeply for and want not to be segregated from society like they have been and are currently.

it angers me, and friends that were my friends cannot be my friends anymore, and it's just all fucked up because they are all fucked up and makes me fucked up

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9/1/2015 1:23:45 AM

Well all that can be hard to relate to but then again we've never had to experience being behind the 8 ball all of our lives, either.

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Noah Spaceship

9/1/2015 1:33:49 AM

when you find yourself siding with strangers over family and old friends it can be exhausting

trying to convince them, downright pleading with them to reconsider their thoughts and ultimately flushing years of companionship down the toilet thinking you knew them is also extremely disheartening.

I have no room in my life for them and I am tired of fighting with them over shit their parents should have taught them.

I can see how the civil war split families. these stubborn motherfuckers will never learn and they will die with blind hate in their hearts because they cannot see the forest for the trees.

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9/1/2015 1:52:32 AM

Sounds like what I ran into when a bunch of old high school friends looked me up on facebook. I got sick of their racist Obama messages and unfriended em.

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Shoe City Sound

9/1/2015 7:13:09 AM

I can relate completely. But I try and stay aware of the fact that people are being maneuvered into this conflict - have been for decades (or maybe centuries now that I think of it). It's really the ones who want to control us ALL who set us against each other so they can gain power politically and economically. They do it by appealing to our fears, and trying to make us fear anyone who is different in any way - not just color, actually.

So I never try and convince anyone. They just fight back hard and over emotionally because they're scared and don't know what to do. I'm thinking I'm not even mad at them anymore - frustrated, yes ... but I just try to walk away and put my energy where it will count with loving people, the arts, the sciences, the garden ... anything or anyone that has to do with open mindedness and fun and happiness and creativity and love. In the end we all want that no matter how scared we might feel. If this train of thought wins out than we've done everyone a huge favor.

And of course, if someone wants to call me a wimp and a hippie -well that's just name calling and bullying. I personally know how fierce and strong you have to be to not be talked out of it. Not saying I'm so fabulous. I get plenty scared too, but you can get over it. It's important.

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Stoneman

9/3/2015 10:07:06 PM

Noah, I hope you don't mind if I tell you a true story. There was a Youth Authority facility named O.H. Close (prison for teens and young adults) that became one of my assignments when I came out of the seminary in the early 80's. I would walk through the cell blocks bringing books and offering personal counsel or prayer. I also brought films about conflict management as I specialized in street gang intervention. The prison housed several gangs including Crips, Bloods (my former crew), 13 & 14 (Norteños and Sureños) Mexican Mafia, Aryan Brothers, Amercian Nazi Party and the Black Muslims. There was constant fighting, stabbing and murders at the facility.

One day I was walking through the Aryan Borthers block handing out books. I was always being dissed there but I went through anyway. Sometimes I got spit on and other times my life was threatened. They hurled the "N" word at me like it was my real name. But after all the stuff I had been through in my life, they didn't scare me. I refused to even wear the flak jacket the corrections staff offered me.

Any way, I'll try to shorten this up. There was a guy named Mike that came up to me one day and asked why I kept coming there when I knew that they all hated me. I answered that I was looking for that one dissenting voice. He was like what do you mean? I said I am looking for that one person that is willing to go against the grain. Someone who is willing to put his life on the line the way I do every single day that I go into a prison. He said: Why would anyone do that? I said: Because it is the right thing to do. When you see injustice you must stand up. When you see hatred you must stand up. Someone must stand up and say it is wrong. Then I offered to pray for him. He kind of shrugged his head yeah and I prayed for him. I could tell he was uncomfortable with it but he bowed his head anyway.

From then on, every single day I came in he would be waiting for me and we would talk about stuff like sports and the things going on in the outside world. I also noticed that the Aryan brothers were no longer taunting me or treating me with disrespect. They kind of put their heads down when I came through. Then one day he confessed to me that he was the leader of the Aryan brothers at the facility. He said that our conversations and friendship had caused him much confusion and angst. He also said that he was becoming that one dissenting voice I talked about. But he was scared that one of his brothers was going to kill him. I told him about a guy that became the one dissenting voice that changed the entire world. Of course I was referring to Jesus. But this story is not about religion. It is about standing up for what you believe even when the rest of your world seems to be against you.

Eventually Mike volunteered and became one of my bible study leaders and it wasn't unusual for me to show up and see him teaching guys that had swastikas painted all over their bodies about the one dissenting voice.

One time he asked me if he should become unaffiliated with the Aryan nation. I told him that if he did they would lose that one dissenting voice that they all needed hear. There were a couple attempts on his life but he survived each bloody attack. On the other side of the prison there was a Black Muslim that had also become the one dissenting voice of his crew. I brought the two of them together one day and it was such an emotional thing for me to see them shakes hands and hug when the meeting was over. That brought peace to the facility for many years to come as the two men became civil acquaintances and advocates for peace between the races. Also, I noticed that the Sunday service in the chapel was always full to the brim.

Noah, when I read your post I thought about them. I haven't thought about them in many years as both eventually got out of prison and never came back. One is now a church pastor and the other is an Imam. Both are still strong advocates for peace and positive race relations in their communities. You are just like them. In your circle of family and friends, you are the one dissenting voice. It may seem like your words are falling on deaf ears but the reality is that the truth will set people free from their fears and prejudices. How will they know the truth unless someone speaks it? You have become that someone. I have been that one dissenting voice so many times in my life. It is emotionally draining and costly to some relationships. But it is absolutely necessary if you ever want to see change.

All the great men in history had the same thing in common. They went against the norm and spoke the truth. Through them, many lives were changed. So, try your best to hold your temper. Don't get mad at people who have latched on to the ignorance of racism. Don't even judge them for it. Just speak the truth and then move on with your life. You were put in your circle for a reason. The truth has this magical way of penetrating through the lies and opening up the heart to love. It is your love for them that will cause them to think about what you have to say. It will become a seed that slowly but surely grows in the hearts of those who have fertile soil (soul). Then, there are those who will never accept your position. Love them anyway. Only love conquers hate. You must learn to live what you preach and that means showing love to those who are different. Tolerance should begin at home with your own loved ones. But, continue to be that one dissenting voice. Some day you may look around and see that thousands have followed your lead. That is what happened to me. The truth can often multiply like a virus. But even if it is only one! You will have achieved one of life's greatest accomplishments. It is such a great privilege to be that one dissenting voice. I give thanks for you.

By the way, There is one thing much worse than being a racist. That would be someone who knows the truth but allows it to happen without speaking out against it.

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Noah Spaceship

9/4/2015 9:52:59 AM

Stoneman,

Thank you for that.
You sir, are a beautiful human being.

You hit me with a ton of bricks. Your story humbles me and really puts into perspective the work it takes.
This is just another day at the office, and we are fighting the good fight.

It is our job to carry out our moral imagination.
Flack jackets off
:)

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Father Time

9/4/2015 12:46:08 PM

yep, Stoneman said it all right there.

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Shoe City Sound

9/4/2015 4:53:34 PM

Hope my comment wasn't misunderstood - I may not have made myself clear. It's not that I don't engage at all with right wing racist types. I totally express my opinion to them and do not let them think I agree with them in any way! Just when it gets to them screaming Fox News talking points in my face, I know there's no use talking anymore and I'm not going to fuel the fire of their hateful words.

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Stoneman

9/4/2015 6:16:57 PM

Quite often the best way for conflict resolution is to just walk away. We all do what we have to do when it needs to be done. I trust that only you can determine that for you. I have great respect for you Delores.

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Shoe City Sound

9/5/2015 1:03:27 AM

That is more than mutual, Stoneman :)

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