Ainslie Henderson
|
7/25/2008 4:57:22 AM
---- Updated 7/28/2008 12:09:29 PM
fear is a fat.
we've stopped talking again haven't we. like a tired marriage or the end of a sleep over. i can have an awkward silence even on my own. there are reasons for this, Pete says we are crafted by how we predict our audience is. your audience is the lady in the post office who despite your leather jacket finds you a very polite young man. your mates, who you know love you, your drunk girlfriend, or the neighbours who want you to shut up, they are the fuel of your muse. and a diary is an odd thing. with an odd audience.a diary is a book written by me, about me, read only by me. how self indulgent is that! partly i've not been blogging as i've been writing a diary lots. a blog is almost as cringey, here my audience is an imagined one, peppered with a few friends and acquaintances who i know might read this- note to you who do, please don't mention it when we talk, i think it's easier to write if i imagine this is only read by people i've never met who live in places i've never been.- so it's an audience that might never exist, i read a lovely quote that this makes me think of "identification with the role impoverishes while contact with the inner life- the unconscious enriches." partly it says things to me about second guessing what people are going to think of you. about your compass being the impression you think they might have, rather than being inwardly led. individuation. there are things i have to do in order to feel more alive. writing songs. it's like washing, or yoga. art, even bad art, inane sketches in notebooks, boring blogs and songs with no melody, they all help keep your soul clean. (anyone living in london wanting to feel more alive might like to try this simple recipe: put takk by sigur ros on your i pod nice and loud. while not thinking in words walk round the Tate modern, all the people in there might not know it, but they are part of the art. you are the only audience.) i'm booked to play in Aberdeen at a little festival called feugh fest, and i'm already straining not to imagine my audience too much. i'm scared. i'm used to playing quiet bars and cafes, with an acoustic guitar and a lovely girl called poppy who plays violin. i'm not jump up and down throw yourself off the stage into the crowd ainslie from fame academy any more. i don't know what this ones going to be like. another part of me knows i'll love it. and this fear is part of it, jos says the the original meaning of 'prove' something is an ironmongers term for when iron is heated and beaten so all the fat and unneeded waste come out of the thing. in some ways i think of gigs a bit like this. fear is a fat that is worked out through them.
|
|
Monkey68
|
7/26/2008 6:30:40 PM
Ainslie - between the I, you, us and them is we - music brings the we together. Surrounded by the granite city, you will shine, my friend.
V (M68)
|
|