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Holo Lukaloa
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11/2/2008 2:33:12 AM
How far would you go to save a friend that may be going so far down he's near the end?
I have this friend if you want to call him that. He used to be a very close friend. Problem is he's a compulsive liar and a conman and he's gotten to a place in life where he has no friends at all worth mentioning. He's alienated his family. He's more than likely messed up on drugs too.
On the plus side he's smart and able when he has his shit together so if he somehow crawled out of his hole he could actually be worthwhile again, maybe. Problem is he lies so much that he will fake you into thinking he's okay, then you find out he's still in the pits.
I gave up on him this past year. He brought me more anguish than I care to even describe. I washed my hands of him. But I was lying in bed tonight and it occurred to me that I may be one of 1 or 2 people in the world who might possibly care enough to save him somehow. I don't have any means to do so other than persuasion however. He's got to get out of where he's at and start over, but he's spoiled by his previous life, might not ever be able to muster up enough fresh resolve to crawl back to proper humanity again.
He's burnt me many times, broken my positive spirit with his bs and that's hard to do.
What would you do?
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11/2/2008 3:50:53 AM
His medical history will probably reveal why he's in the shape he's in now. If he's like millions of other victims fraudulently diagnosed with a fake mental illness then his problem with drugs began then and has probably spent most of his life being damaged by those drugs and that's not easy for anyone to make a recovery from.
Acupuncture may help him, the Scientologist's have alot of success helping these people recover but I don't think sending him to the same people who put him in his present condition would really make much sense if that connection is there.
A religious awakening might help matters too.. Good luck.
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The Nocturnal Sunz
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11/2/2008 4:34:19 AM
Years ago the same thing happened in my life. I took a lot
of bs and finally we went different roads. He's still the same too.
Pretty sad.
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Pulse Eternal
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11/2/2008 5:39:20 AM
I agree with Sterling.
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Kevin White
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11/2/2008 5:55:29 AM
First and foremost, don't enable the behavior.
Hold at arm's length until he realizes that he's on totally his own, and no one but himself is going to or can dig himself out.
Once certain corrected, which only time and repeated experience will tell, welcome him back into aforementioned arms.
Kev-
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Art Factory
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11/2/2008 6:43:42 AM
and what would you do if there were at least 5 'friends' you knew like that and they knew of each other... and each one of them would say and do anything to be right?
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tom lee
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11/2/2008 7:13:32 AM
everybody deserves a second chance, but by the fifth or sixth it's probably a lost cause. let him go.
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Jesse Adams
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11/2/2008 8:39:30 AM
Bottom line Holo, he has to change on his own will. No one can do it for him or "save" him... trust me I've tried.
It's like the line from the song, "The greatest of teachers won't hesitate to leave you there by yourself chained to fate."
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Magnetfisch
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11/2/2008 10:46:41 AM
good evening Holo,
a wise man told me our life is like a solar system:
people swirl around us,
some near
some afar
some quit
some approach
some crash
some stay
some leave
some shine
just like in the universe really
the most important thing is that you focus on people really willing to change, and that your life remains ok for you (do not let anybody tear you down!)
all the best to ya
MF
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Andy Broad
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11/2/2008 11:32:15 AM
Holo:
Trust in your gut instincts. It's hard for any of us to know hat you should do, we don't know you or your friend.
I'm reminded of recent events that occured with two close freinds of mine who were also mutual friends. One of them had an old friend who had got into diffilculties, essentially having some kind of mental breakdown, they went way back, in the process of the break down my first friend got abused and hurt. This made it hard for them to stand by their friend through their time of difficulty, making them feel guilty and confused about their loyalties / reponsibilties.
The second friend's advice was to discard the old friend, that they had moved on, and no longer had avaluable relationship, but the first friend trusted thier instincts and stuck it out, and are now getting thier fiend back...
I hope the above isn't too convoluted, but I avoiding any hint of betraying a confidence.
What I'm trying to say is we can't really help you, you can know what best to do, friendship is a very valuable thing, not lightly given up IMHO.
Sterling30:
You make some dangerous assumptions, suggesting probably causewithout evidence, interpreting it with your own bias and propose a dangerous solution. Scientology is a truly dangerous and exploitative organisation (not a religon or a cult and inventaion of aScience fiction author, used to exploit and entrap the innocent).
Mental illness does exist, and I would agree that drug treatment is rarely more than and elastoplast, treating symptoms rather than causes, but I would not even think to say if one diagnosis is or is not correct. Some drug regimes though can give people back control of their lives.
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Holo Lukaloa
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11/2/2008 11:43:34 PM
Thanks for everything you all posted here. I attempted to reach the person in question and am hopeful that he will pull himself out of the quagmire. Not that hopeful but it's conceivable.
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Tony Vani and Debbie Hoskin
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11/3/2008 4:41:38 AM
I have a very close friend who is destroying herself. There is nothing I can do. She is self-destructing, a slow suicide. You can't help anyone who does not want to be helped or who doesn't agree that there is an issue.
I will not abandon her, however, I keep strong boundaries up so she doesn't take me down with her. She is in complete denial of her addiction. She lies and lies and lies. She might even believe he own lies.
You can not change anyone who does not feel a need to change. You can not help anyone who does not want to be helped. I just let go and love her from the outskirts of her devestating existance. I stay close enough to be there just in case she's ever ready to talk. deb
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satch
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11/3/2008 5:00:24 AM
Wise words Deb - for after all, we can only change ourselves!
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11/3/2008 6:42:13 AM
---- Updated 11/3/2008 7:17:40 AM
"Sterling30:
You make some dangerous assumptions, suggesting probably causewithout evidence, interpreting it with your own bias and propose a dangerous solution. Scientology is a truly dangerous and exploitative organisation (not a religon or a cult and inventaion of aScience fiction author, used to exploit and entrap the innocent).
Mental illness does exist, and I would agree that drug treatment is rarely more than and elastoplast, treating symptoms rather than causes, but I would not even think to say if one diagnosis is or is not correct. Some drug regimes though can give people back control of their lives."
_________________
Actually, I know exactly what I'm talking about. The reason and Ritalin and other similar drugs are in such widespread use on college campuses today is not because students decided to start abusing these drugs at college age, it's because these same drugs have been poured into their environment since these student were in the elementary schools, often even pres-school. And they are not given for any actual disease but instead to treat perfectly normal behavior mannerisms that now supposedly indicate an illness where none really exists. And their is no diagnostic test that can authenticate the existance of ADD/ADHD or any other alledged disease listed in the DSM-IV but there are mountains of hard scientific data that prove that all the drugs used to treat fake illnesses are the actual cause of outward signs of mental illness that later appear, that those drugs are the real source of any chemical imbalance that also not a single diagnostic test can measure.
Do you know that up to 90% of long-term Ritalin users have various degrees of brain atrophy before they even become adults? That's what happens to long term Achoholics and that condition is IRREVERSIBLE...
Now a few people have mention friends is serious trouble, one that could soon die. A few brief questions should determine when those problems began, especially if it is related to drugs. And that would be when they got their first pre-s-c-r-i-ption for highly addictive drugs to treat a fake illness all for the purpose of expanding market share for big Pharma and some idiot doctor seeing dollar signs. And if you think the branch of medicine that is directly responsible for putting people into that type of condition will actually be able to help them later.., I've already seen just how they help a person their fraudulent practices have already ruined.
Again, acupuncture is probably the most effective means of freeing someone from hard-core drug addiction and restoring their health.
Next, Narconon claims a 86% success rate for freeing people from drug abuse and nearly none ever use again and no one will make them become a Scientologist.
Acupuncture for drug addiction:
http://www.healthy.net/scr/Article.asp?Id=2501
Narconon
http://www.narconon.org/narconon_centers
Another place highly recommended and very affordable is this place.
Whitaker Wellness Institute
http://www.whitakerwellness.com/
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