THE JACK PADDLE COVER BAND
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1/9/2008 7:58:11 PM
JACK PADDLE AND, THE CASE OF ' THE UNSUSPECTING BEARD PLUCKER '
Ah yes!! I know what you're all thinking!!! You think I gone and got meself a brand, spanky, new tweezer set.....complete with it's own little, leather bound, pearl encrusted, jewel embedded case, that even has a personal message inscribed on the inside that reads, " To my Darling Elizabeth, Happy Anniversary, all my love forever Charles!!......Well as far as you know............I DON'T!!!
It is a plucker of a different variety that I speak of, one that masquerades itself as a CIGARETTE LIGHTER!!!
Oh yes!! I present to you ' THE UNSUSPECTING BEARD PLUCKER ', it wants you to think it's a lighter, indeed it functions as one........it even comes in different colours, oh how they entice!! It's how they get into our pockets, on to our tables and in to our minds!!!
Beware citizens!!! For these are no ordinary inanimates........they are stubble fiends, mid growth beard fiends, but most of all they are facial fuzz fiends!!! From within their plastic cocoons, these mindless follicle fiends emit electronic impulses, which stimulate the primary motor cortex within our brain. Now for the clever part...This results in an involuntary movement and grasping of said item.
Now that it has positioned itself in your hand, 'cos it has!! Don't be fooled into thinking it's ' your idea '!!! Your free will was thrown down a well about 2 minutes ago!!
So....... now that it's in your hand, it knows it won't be long before that opportune moment will arrive!! As you enjoy your smoke, you casually, playfully, handle your lighter between your fingers....running it close to your face then...............you get careless!! Damn your monkey brain!!!......tracing it along your jawline as if it were a fifth finger, you forget what it is!!!
"AARRRGH!!! " You just became another one of ' THE UNSUSPECTING BEARD PLUCKER'S ' victims!! You scream as it rips the stubble from your well formed cheeks!!! " AARRRGH "Oh the brutality of it all........
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