THE JACK PADDLE COVER BAND
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3/19/2008 12:41:56 PM
MAGIC BLACK, GESTATION, NECROMANCY, HERPES and NOMINATIONS
Me Mamma!! Bless her fat, algae covered, manatee face!!! She always used to say “ Ueueueue, euueue uue euee “, and boy do I wish me’s listened to her….me is done with the magic black!! Said it before, and me’s saying it again, “ No more!! “
If waking up inside the womb of a pregnant elephant isn’t bad enough!! Then realising that the gestation period for an elephant during pregnancy can be as long as twenty-two months……IS!!! If you don’t starve or suffocate, then you’re sure to be crushed during delivery.
It’s cost me, me trim waistline…..a few teeth…..and me thinks me’s a bit heavier in the face now, but if me didn’t eat me way through that elephants placenta and out through it’s stomach then it would have cost me a whole lot more!!!
For me safety, me’s been relocated by the Baracudian Council, covered in trinkets and given a new identity whilst we try to figure out who is responsible for this latest act of necromancy!! But worry not!!….for those of you traveling from the eastern quadrant, the outer realm or the Mallangan Hills…….the directions to me shack remain the same. Me’s just moved the porthole a bit further to the left than it used to be, so now it’s behind that bush by the gum tree…….just don’t expect it to come out where it used to!!!
Whilst me’s been away…battling other worldly forces, treading in amniotic fluid and assuming a new identity, someone who is ‘unclean’ visited the shack , resulting in a wall to wall outbreak of herpes!!! However….it is with great, scantily clad pleasure that I can now announce, that JACKS MUSICAL SNACK SHACK , is back on track!!! New reviews will be coming soon, as will the salmon who swim upstream….and the bears who so eagerly await them. I’m just going to have to insist that from now on, ALL visitors to the shack provide a blood sample, no older than 6 weeks…….that is to be produced at least 24 hours prior to their visit.
It’s good to be back, and even better to be met with the news of being nominated for a ‘Golden Kayak Award’….a truly unexpected honour!! “Thank you” everybody who has supported THE JACK PADDLE COVER BAND , given me money, tried my narcotic concoctions and performed the odd sexual favour on me..….I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
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THE JACK PADDLE COVER BAND
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3/19/2008 1:46:06 PM
It was a messy plasma extravaganza!!! Me still haven't been able to get the stains out of me clothes!! Some of the guys said to just throw them out, but me got these threads the day before all the craziness went down with the whole trapped inside an elephants womb thing!!........Me's only worn them once!!
But yes.....THANK YOU all, and CONGRATULATIONS on your nominations also!!!
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