Sinister Mustard
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11/4/2008 7:59:35 PM
---- Updated 11/4/2008 8:08:14 PM
THE RAVINGS OF A WEAK MINDED EX-JOURNALIST
Yesterday James Osborne (yours truly, spokesman and dedicated fan of Sinister Mustard, as well as ex-journalist) was pleased to announce that a forthcoming album is in the works for Sinister Mustard. Thier self titled EP "will pail in comparison", to quote the band. Mustard’s told me all their wicked intentions for the full length, they say they're going to change music forever, "record this one independently", "get famous", and, "finally get to know some chicks…"
I took the band for a ride out into the desert, just to get in the spirit. James informed me that they all wanted to have a mighty vision quest, in order to come up with, "a badass name for the album"…and I was honored when they asked me to join them.
This is my account of our night in the wilderness. Sadly, at the bands request, I’m leaving out the results, (i. e. the album's name).
-J. Osborne
DAY 1: November 1st, 2008 10:00 PM
J.C. is eating donuts. He says they help clear the mind for visions. Steve isn’t eating or drinking. Zack is guzzling energy drinks…I’m gathering provisions: Gummy bears, chips n’ salsa, McDonald’s, hot dogs. The campfire is roaring.
Day 2: November 2nd, 2008 12:00 AM
Everyone is fast asleep except for me. I’m sorry to report that the insomnia of this venture was to cause the supposed ‘Vision’. Most bands go digging through a dictionary when they want an album name. This is just a bunch of non-sense.
Day 2: November 2nd, 2008 2:00 AM
Everyone is still asleep. I am still awake. I have bugs all over me. Very soon I am going to make a break for it.
Day 2: November 2nd, 2008 4:00 AM
I’ve kept the campfire going. I've forgotten where we are...somewhere in the desert, somewhere very strange. I haven’t eaten in 24 hours. Maybe I’ll cook some hot dogs...I’m hearing things. Like drums, off in the distance. Thumping, tribal drums. I better cook those hot-dogs. Perhaps sharpen a stick not only to skewer the ding-dongs, but to protect me from enemies as well.
Day 2: November 2nd, 2008 4:30 AM?
A light is growing around me. I just stuck a rattlesnake with my stake and I’m frying it instead of the weiners. We’ll save those for provisions. Also whoever is playing those drums is getting much closer. I feel like the sound of it is carrying me away, into the holy lands.
-I just woke up and Mr. Osborne is gone. His truck is still here. I assume he’s probably having one of his crazy attacks and is running around naked somewhere in the desert. He does this whenever we camp out. Man, he wrote some weird crap in here. Osborne, I hope you read this. You are nuts man, see a doctor. I’m serious.
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