Klaus Vonn Booboo
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11/3/2008 8:27:48 PM
One Year Later
One Year Later
Weekly World News Exclusive
One year after the Most Important Election in the history of mankind, things are a little different. For the second time in his life John McCain is being held prisoner. After sentencing in January, 2009, McCain surrendered to authorities and was shipped to the converted Guantanamo Bay facility formerly known as Club Gitmo.
Allowed to speak to the outside press for the first time since his imprisonment, he relaxed with a smoke on a cot in the sick bay of the detention center now nicknamed the Guantanamo Grand. "My friends, " he prattled to the walls, "What's for dinner? Rats? Rats for dinner? Rat's for dinner?" cackling madly as his blonde minder retrieved him and led him away. But at the door, he turned. The madness was gone from his eyes, he winked at me and said: "I can do this time standing on my head! I'll be back in 2012!"
Cellmates Hillary and Cheney
Though he's the only remaining holdout, McCain once shared a cell with two other former political headliners, Dick Cheney and Hillary Clinton before they were released.
Tortured by repeated rants alternated with "poetry" readings by an ACORN operative, Cheney cracked in two days. He signed a confession implicating Halliburton and other multinational "merchants of death" in a conspiracy to enslave the world through a steady diet of McDonald's food. He was "released" to serve a brief life sentence of hard labor in the Alaskan work camp / reeducation center in Anwar. He now spends his days grooming polar bears.
Hillary lasted considerably longer, attributing her increased resistance to torture to thirty plus years of marriage to Bill and her military experience in Bosnia. Reached at her workplace in the White House laundry, the assistant shirt ironess spoke on condition of anonymity. "I got wise early on, but had to hold out long enough to see what became of Cheney, " she recounted. "I knew that Nancy boy would crack. Frankly, I'm surprised he lasted two days."
Between sips of Kool Aid, she chatted fondly about old times before lamenting "Well I guess I got what I deserve for bucking the big O," and she too looked up and winked, cluckling "I'll be back soon."
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