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Goony Goon
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12/29/2017 5:06:45 PM
my life story
I was only 22, just got out of college when it came to my attention that I'm a goon. I had just come from the ATM machine and some guy walked past me with his friend and said out loud as if I couldn't hear him Look at that goon. So I left college, trained for serious work but got into playing my guitar and doing concerts on the roof of my apartment building, so I never did pursue my major. Not long after that I married Mrs. Goon and we had a lot of fun together in the early Goon years. I think she was 37 when she remarked to me that if we were going to have kids we better do it soon. I thought to myself well she's been true to me all this time, this is the least I can do, right? So we had 2 kids, meaning I had to support this family basically forever, more responsibility than I ever wanted or needed. I was still playing my guitar though, things could only get better, right? They didn't. I started this special interest website about astronauts. It was around that time when somebody posted on Twitter that I'm a goony goon so the goony goon era commenced. So my life has been filled with shallow accomplishments but none that really made anybody forget my goonygoonishness. Nowadays I wake up knowing I've always been a goon, and I'll always be more goony than the next guy. When I die it will say on my gravestone Here Lies a Goony Goon.
The end.
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Blue Santa
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12/30/2017 6:49:04 AM
---- Updated 12/30/2017 6:51:51 AM
My life story
I was only 22, just out of high School (I was a slow learner) when it came to my attention that people used to point and laugh at me for being limited in many ways. I never used an ATM machine like Goony Goon because I didn't have any money and I couldn't read or write. My only hobby was playing Vibes, I loved the jingly sound they made, I used to sit on a hill near my home and play until people said
"Look at that fool on the hill"
I couldn't get a girlfriend but there was this nice girl called Holly in the Department Store in town who used to talk to me and spray me with free after shave, which I didn't need as I had a long beard. One day she said there was a vacancy for a Santa in the toy dept. Amazingly I got the job (they said I looked the part) I was happy there for a few years.
One day Holly heard me play some percussion instruments and she came right out and said Santa (she called me that now) Santa, I love your big jingle bells and if we lived together you could play every day with me. Well she had been so nice, I thought I owed her. Pretty soon I decided that for Christmas I would give her the baby she really wanted. She had twins Donna and Rudolf.
But now I feel that she just used me and she's not interested in my maracas any more. The only time I feel happy is for a few weeks before Christmas when I can give people what they really, really want. When the lights go out and the decorations come down I have no purpose in life. Donna and Rudolf never look up from their screens and Holly just brings cake and pies into my room and goes off to brush Rudolf's teeth and untangle Donna's hair. Now I'm getting a big belly. I tried to promote my songs but everyone says I suck and campanology will never be mainstream. I don't understand what that means because my vocabulary is limited. It took me 5 years to write this post but I forgot to save it so I had to start again.
I'm just very, very blue. When I die it will say on my gravestone. Here lies Santa a Ho Ho Hopeless guy.
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