2/25/2008 9:33:01 PM
Relationships

2/25/2008 9:33:01 PM

Relationships
Why do people spend so much time in e-relationships? Why is is texting, emails and character messages replacing stares, glances, smiles, real earth conversations and the melodic song of the voice????

2/25/2008 9:59:37 PM

I'll tell you why. Because words can be real whatever form they come in, and the people behind them, creating those words are more often than not as real as the day is long. You can live in a house with someone for years and all the involvement fades away. Then you meet someone online and can forge a connection with them that is in many ways deeper because the written word is a direct entryway into the soul. Online relationships take out all the distractions of a less than stellar house in a less than stellar neighborhood and put the onus right back where it belongs. You, me, us. It's not about who is doing the wash or who is paying the bills, it's about sharing a piece of one another on the spot. It's also not about finding someone who you can stand looking at 24/7, it's about finding someone whose company you melt into, who actually makes your life better without all the compromises that realtime necessarily brings as part of the package.

That's not to say realtime can't be great as well but this is an era of wider and more flexible paradigms.

2/25/2008 10:24:19 PM

good bit of analysis, there, fly!

My smart assed answer would be because you know the person you talk to on line can't hit you in the nose when you piss them off.

There is truth to that, however. Physical presence is a threating thing, especially in today's relatively unethical society. I have always been a critic of the dualism inherent in most folk's thought ( i.e. spirit good, flesh evil). That's why most theologies are wholly unacceptable to me.

That being said, words form the only real interface between the physical environ of the human organism, and the "soul", if you will that inhabits it.

I, for one, find it easier to get to know someone from their written expression than from their physical presence. Most people, myself included, play their cards much closer to the vest in face to face encounters.

My online freinds are as dear to me as my physical friends. Both expose their core motivations. That's called "intimacy" :)

2/25/2008 11:40:55 PM

Fly - I'm suddenly finding a huge respect for you!! Brilliantly written and I must respond further later when I have time. Breakfast and teenage daughter calls.....

2/26/2008 12:22:42 AM

I often see people in coffee shops, sitting alone, but next to each other. Lost in their cyber world it does not occur to them to strike up a flesh and blood "Human" conversation.They sit in silence, glancing at a screen. Silence, except for the faint click of a keyboard. ...There is something inherently odd about that....

Technology is amputating the unique spirit of what it means to be human. I overheard a kid saying how incredibly lifelike the sky looked on his Playstation 3. He was in a dark room staring at a screen, outside it was a 70 degree beautiful spring day....There is something inherently odd about that......

2/26/2008 1:30:31 AM

"Technology is amputating the unique spirit of what it means to be human"

Being human isn't that great, I'd rather be a fly. Technology in this sense doesn't amputate, it gives one an extra limb.

2/26/2008 2:34:31 AM

....We could all do with an extra limb, fly, but I've already got 3 legs!

I couldn't agree more - Technology ENABLES, not DISABLES. But it is of course up to the user to use or be used. Life is what you make it.

I'm still convinced that you're in a new 'virtual' relationship and I know that all the girlies here want you to spill!

2/26/2008 7:04:09 AM

I'm quite new to computers and chatting on the internet, but since arriving here I have chatted in a sense to so many people that I otherwise wouldn't have had the opportunity to ever meet. People from all around the world.
I don't think it can replace real human contact, but it has sure opened my eyes to many different views on many different topics and although I haven't met any of you in person, I have a real feeling that I'm part of a community here. Something that has come as a total surprise to me.
Cheers Mark

2/26/2008 7:16:12 AM

I am many times more for this now because I am not good at looking and I like explore without to see until I no

2/26/2008 7:20:55 AM

Hi Mark,

Although I have met people I have first known only online, I'm very unlikely to meet anyone here (I think!!) and generally onliners don't get to ever meet. But, it's as Fly says, connections can get forged and they are not necessarily as shallow as many might assume.

I am an active member of an online performance car forum and have met quite a lot of those guys - There are very informal monthly lunch meets all over the UK where we play with our toys and have a good banter. There are even a few female petrolheads!! One or two of those people have become real world friends. And, dare I say, I have some very real friends via MySpace.

The World Wide Web offers wonderful international sharing and 'relationships' of a unique variety.

2/26/2008 7:26:16 AM

"Technology ENABLES, not DISABLES." I don't disagree...but their is a dark side. I am sure people would love an extra limb, and they know doubt would fill it with another gadget. I love technology!!! However,

Two people sitting across from each other in a restaurant, one sits in silence for a prolonged amount of time...the other talks loudly on a Cell phone...there is something inherently wrong about that :)

A generation's writing abilities are being affected through texting.... .

I embrace technology, we are in an age like no other...we are experiencing exponential growth when compared to all of human history. I am sure there are sociologists that are making a career out of studying how it is effecting social interaction.

The internet is bringing people together across the World, it is incredible!The opportunity to communicate and understand each other has never been greater. However, as much as it liberates it also has the opportunity to debilitate. Online Poker, Porn addiction,..... Second Life? Many are ignoring their first! :)

I am all for technology, Love it! .....Home studios, IAC!!!

Good thread, I am just throwing out some observations.... OMG!

2/26/2008 7:44:14 AM

Too right about the porn and gambling, Jeff. But that's just the way some human beings are, whatever the medium.

I think that if you are sat at a cafe or anywhere with someone, it's extremely rude and inconsiderate to start texting someone unless it's for a very important reason which is shared: "Sorry, it's my daughter, please excuse me but she urgently needs to know something" etc.

I have heard said that without porn the internet would not exist! I get absolutely no junk mail since I stopped visiting any porn sites :). I used to play BlackJack at the Playboy every day so I've finished with the gambling a long time ago. Had a Chinese girlfriend then - They love all gambling!

I think that online messaging and phone texting are quite different.

2/27/2008 7:31:54 PM

All points well taken. I appreciate the insights and very well have an open minded opinion. As like was said: it's what we do with it, I wonder if Batman and Robin would have been less violent if they were able to see things beyond their own perspective?

2/27/2008 8:57:23 PM

I had to give a lecture in CT. So I had to stay overnight in a hotel. Hungry, I went to a restaurant and since I was alone, they seated me at a little table adjacent to the bar. I observed a young couple sitting at the bar. During that hour I was there, waiting for and eating my dinner, that young lady spent 85% of her time talking to various people on her cell phone, and between calls she would carry on a mini conversation with her date. Pathetic! but real.
I think I understand the true meaning of 'cell'phone: It puts you in a cell, like a jail cell, and keeps you isolated from the rest of the world, the 'real' world.
I can see that young lady at her wedding ceremony, standing in front of the priest, talking on your cell phone, and stopping for a brief moment to say 'I do'.
I wrote a song about beepers. Check it out! Helmut

2/28/2008 4:26:42 AM

People can be trapped in a relationship, they can be trapped in technology.

For me, the major and extremely relevant difference between e-relationships and "real" relationships is that in a real relationship you can have hugs and cuddles! Physical contact is oh so very missing from so many peoples lives... emails, blogs, social networking, cellphones... you can't touch! We need touch!

2/28/2008 4:37:57 AM

GREAT post Satch!! Two paws up from the Puss =^.^=

SuperPuss
SuperPuss video

2/28/2008 5:14:50 AM

Do like I do- boil up those flyers and make soup. Mmm-mmm, good!

2/28/2008 5:16:33 AM

They're even better with a couple of magic mushies thrown in Steve! :-D

SuperPuss
SuperPuss video

2/28/2008 7:08:13 AM

I like online conversation because you can take it or leave it. You can choose to ignore it (and not have to hear it!) or you can join in at the rate and depth you are comfortable with. Who knows I could be laughing, crying, really pissed off....but I can go online have a somewhat civil conversation (this is MY sarcasm) with people that have common interests or at least take time to listen because I am not their romantic artner, best friend, or daughter. People actually listen and respond without emotional dependency. How refreshing.

And, I also recognize the importance of face to face relationships. The unfortunate issue (in agreement with others) is that if you choose to join in a conversation with complete strangers in NY, you either have three heads or you have just met the next person who will stalk you until you get a restraining order! Too many times I have tried to reach out to others in a real (face to face) way and found that I am slowly being sucked into their own disfunctional reality, when I have mine to deal with already. Maybe, what I am trying to say that online there is room to express myself, make friendhip connections, without agreeing to pay the next months rent or food bill for the next year. Although if you really are starving, Larree, I will help you get in touch with the nearest food bank. :)

2/28/2008 8:23:47 PM

Go Fregan..........never have to starve again!

2/28/2008 9:13:20 PM

Eye contact!!

that's how I always fell in love ---and the only downside I can see in cyber relationships---no eye contact.

Nuances start to come through after you've talked to net friends for a while, and one gets the feel of the personality -------

I have met a couple of travelling musicians via myspace------ who stayed while they toured NZ----had some great music jams---that's all good!

yeah, hugs & cuddles & eye contact!

2/28/2008 11:22:40 PM

Hey Jo! (now I gotta play Jimi Hendrix!) - What you've written is exactly right in my opinion. It's not just NY where many people can't handle a 'stranger' politely 'joining in' - How on earth do people make new friends? The media tend to emphasise the 3-headed stalker dangers and make people paranoid. I've only got 2 heads though.

Something else I enjoy about online communication/relationships is that it obliges me to understand what I'm writing so that I don't inadvertently say something I really don't mean - It doesn't always work though! I enjoy the art of writing and communication anyway.

But as SilverWood says, we need hugs and eye-contact as well - Online isn't a replacement but just an addition, and vica-versa.

We all want to feel loved - It's human.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx [Don't worry, I'm just fooling around]

2/28/2008 11:55:32 PM

I'm not sure how necessary the tactile thing is. I suppose it depends on the power of the minds involved.

2/29/2008 12:25:13 AM

....I reckon that might be taking 'sex is all in the mind' a bit far though, fly :). Certainly less 'messy'!!

2/29/2008 2:40:50 AM

I wasn't talking about sex, just touching. Sex is complicated either way. :~D

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