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Tom O'Brien
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5/26/2009 8:36:56 PM
Is this a cliche?
You gotta help me with this lyric by telling me if it's too corny or cliche. It's about a guy who gets picked up by a wealthy woman (happens to me all the time).
We got up around ten
And we laid there in bed
With our legs intertwined
In a casual way
I was sober again
Couldn't wait to be fed
She said, "How do you like your eggs
Scrambled, raw, or Faberge?"
I don't know if I've heard this somewhere or if I made it up. It almost seems like a bad joke. What do you think?
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Hop On Pop
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5/26/2009 8:42:47 PM
It is a bad joke.
But, it could be the start of a very cool lyric, depending upon where you take it.
In fact, I would almost start the song with the second part of that verse: with the "I was sober again" line. Get into the "casual" imagery later on as a way of giving a little more insight into this character.
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The Man With No Band
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5/26/2009 8:48:30 PM
---- Updated 5/26/2009 9:00:43 PM
Sounds like this morning ...
.... except ... I awoke this morning ... sometime after noon
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Mr. Ed
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5/27/2009 5:13:40 AM
Hmmm...
I'd say, say what you like; the way that you like.
But. just if you've something to say.
Forget about us, and if we've heard it before.
Because we never have heard it your way.
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Sly Witt
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5/27/2009 2:08:23 PM
It's a 'good joke'. I wish I'd written the last two lines myself.... Very clever.
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Eric Steffensen
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5/28/2009 5:55:38 PM
Considering I had to look Faberge up, I'd say to me it doesn't sound like a cliche. LOL
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AnigmaS
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5/28/2009 7:01:33 PM
I think Faberge is an either Italian or French fashion designer.
...there's probably a line of cosmetics too.
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Jeff Allen Myers
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5/28/2009 7:02:15 PM
---- Updated 5/28/2009 7:05:51 PM
If it is a cliche' it;s not a strong one..... I would say use it.
Don't worry about cliche's so much, the only one's that really hurt your writing are the one's that hit you in the face...the one's you have heard a thousand times.
This one is obscure at best. most people do not know about the "Faberge Egg" and its relation to decadence. If it fits your phrasing, and is interesting...go for it.
Writing lyrics is not easy.... You have to balance being too "simple", or "cliche" with being over the top pretentious. People can smell when you are trying to be too clever....
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Kevin White
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5/28/2009 8:04:43 PM
I vote "clever, but leans cliche" ... and you might be able to come up with something different that you like more.
If you can't, leave it. It's okay.
K-
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