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Tom O'Brien
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6/17/2009 6:35:58 PM
Are you a happy person?
I don't mean just doing well in life or enjoying the moment, but in your general outlook and philosophy, do you consider yourself happy?
I've just been noticing lately how many seemingly unhappy people there are in the world, and it gets me thinking, why are people unhappy? I'm wondering how much it has much it has to do with feeling loved as a child.
I consider myself an extremely happy individual, but it wasn't always so, and I didn't necessarily feel loved as a child, though I was cared for, and not abused. Emotionally neglected perhaps.
I'd like to share my happiness, but I'm not sure how to go about it. My girlfriend suffers from bipolar disorder and goes through depressions. She was sexually abused as a child. I've tried to share my happiness with her, but she just has too much history. If I can't make her happy, how can I affect total strangers? And yet I want to live in a happy world. Maybe happiness can't be taught.
But back to my original question: Are you happy, and if not, why not?
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The CODE
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6/17/2009 7:55:14 PM
I'm HAPPY Tom!
(6 winning lotto numbers would be handy though!)
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satch
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6/17/2009 9:44:49 PM
Very very happy, and so is Susan!
Happiness can't be taught, but it is infectious - if you are happy, those around you will get a little of it too!
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Jeff Allen Myers
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6/17/2009 11:03:07 PM
I have learned you cannt be responsible for another persons happiness...that is completly personal and comes from within. Of course you yourself can be happy, and as a result that can transfer to others and help them on their journey. Yes, it is sad but true you can add to unhappiness by inflicting pain on others, but it is still up to the individual how they choose to deal with the pain and challenges. To a few, it is a source of strength, to others it is a pathway to sadness.
A trite but true saying .."If life deals you lemons, make lemonade"
There are many people living happy, fulfilling lives who have not been raised in the best of circumstances. I admire those people very much.
Personally I am very happy, I was blessed with a great childhood with loving Parents and a big brother. I have had my share of sadness of late, but overall I know I am blessed. I have a special Son, and a caring wife. I have an extended family and good friends..and I will always have my music.
I know everyday is a gift....... none of us are guaranteed another sunrise.
Peace.
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Kevin White
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6/19/2009 2:12:15 AM
When?
:^D
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never never band
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6/19/2009 6:31:52 AM
happy?
I'm sort of happy....but things get to me.
I think I'm about 50/50. At times I'm incredibly sad, at times angry.
I live in an area that has a lot of poverty and addiction and domestic violence.
Ad I work with kids as a teacher and a youth advocate.
and I care about stuff, so I get run down.
I'm suspicious of people who are consistently happy, I don't feel like they take things seriously. A lot of the spaced out new age nonsense, and the sort of selfish trips people get on to be "at peace" make me ill. Really there's too many people hurting for me to just "let it go" and be all into myself.
I'm happy sometimes, and a lot of the time I'm madder than hell, and sometimes I'm so sad I can barely breathe.
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Jeff Allen Myers
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6/19/2009 6:51:16 AM
Never, I appreciate where you are coming and it is very understandable.
I am not a very religious person, but I find the beginning of the Serenity Prayer very telling at times.
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."
If you don't believe in God, substitute anything that works for you as the wisdom is sound.
Regards,
Jeff
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Conversation Suicide
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6/19/2009 9:44:10 AM
Happiness is a state of mind that you can choose.
Sometimes I fail to choose it. Like when the stresses of real life are weighing down on me heavily.
But I can eventually snap back into a more positive outlook. -pHLeGm
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Sly Witt
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6/19/2009 4:31:31 PM
I think it was Abraham Lincoln who said "People are just about as happy as they decide to be". Profound, that.
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Vincenzo Pandolfi
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6/19/2009 4:46:41 PM
I have the occasional island of unhappiness in an ocean of happyness!!
I am the happiest when I am cooking or writing music.
Vincenzo
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Stephen John
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6/20/2009 3:22:35 AM
I'm happy, because I exercise my power to choose. Is life hard? sure it is. Is everything perfect are me? Nope. But I don't give people or circumstance any power over me. I choose to be happy. Lots of people are surprised when they find out how old I am they find I look at least 8 to 10 years younger than I really am. That's because I avoid worrying about things I have no control over and choose happiness.
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Conversation Suicide
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6/20/2009 7:52:03 AM
Encouragin' stuff Vincenzo, Stephen John & Slywitt (and others of course!)
GLad I stopped into the "Are You a Happy Person?" blog that Mr. O'brien started.
After a REAL tough week, and probably a lot more to come, I'm workin' it as far as CHOOSIN' to be happy this weekend. And doin' pretty well at it so far, with only a few hitches here & there...
ROCK on Y'all! It really means a lot to interface with people of like mind at times. Definitely feel a kinship to many of the musicians on IAC.
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Tony Vani and Debbie Hoskin
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6/20/2009 3:26:47 PM
I have always been a happy natured person. I carry grief and sadness with me but I still laugh, have fun and find joy in life.
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HunkaFunk
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6/20/2009 7:11:44 PM
Happiness is relative. Sometimes, for whatever reason (Karma, bad luck, bad choices), our lives can seem like a huge test for some kind of final exam. I was abused as a child, and have a very sick wife, and am currently unemployed, and have been for (4) months (the longest period in my 52 years). I have to struggle for positive happy thoughts. Even though i try to be positive, being beat down by life is making me a bit misenthropic. Yet i get up every day, exercise, look for a job, and find solace in my music.
I have friends who say "just be positive", etc, but they really have no idea the pain I (and billions of others) endure. Yet still, I do have moments of elation and joy, in between sadness and despair. I sometimes find myself channeling my sadness through my music.
The world is full of hope and joy, as well as dismay and sadness. I am glad there are happy positive people in this world to remind the misenthropes that happiness still exists.
TF
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Bryon Tosoff
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6/20/2009 7:31:23 PM
Great responses and wonderful question. Good one Tom
When I first wake up in the morning, the first thing I say is "another day, well that is a bonus"
then I am happy about that. then I spend some time reading. that is nice. what a joy it is to do that..Then while I read I drink my coffee , that is cool. wow life is good
But as Tom says it is a state of mind "happiness or perhaps better stated being in a state of thankfulness perhaps . things cant make you happy, other people cant make you happy. My mom used to say you make your own world, to some degree that is true, and of course there are outside forces and extenuating circumstances that can and will affect you and your state of mind .And as you all know you are the sum total of all the choices you have made since childhood, . So if you look back and say wow. I made I lot of good decisions and also some dumb moves and still say you are cool with where you are and accept yourself for what and who you are, then you have it made. you are at peace with that, that to me is a form of being happy i guess..I think it is a spiritual thing really.but I dont mean that in any religious way and churchy thing. I dont have a church. or attend one. I just think we are two. physical obviously and spiritual. like we have this spark of life that emanates from us and it is not a physical thing at all.
I am rambling. getting philosophical and conjecturing...need to stop..with my own ideas and personal opinions of what I think life is about
now that I said that,.I am pretty happy
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SILVERWOODSTUDIO
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6/22/2009 12:54:50 AM
___ I'm happy to be reading and nodding to my friends thoughts here---but my feet are freezing ----it is minus 6 C at the moment! --another pair of socks may help!
I think of mental states (Happy / Sad / Angry) constantly adjusting to the many influences we experience in our day and more like a woven mix of feelings !!!!!
I'm sad that things have happened in my life that I had no control over---but i am glad I have another pair of socks if it doesn't warm up---i believe we have choices to remain anywhere on the Happy / Sad continuim but without one------- we will never fully experience the "other"
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The Man With No Band
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6/22/2009 5:19:35 PM
Yes Tom ... I am a very happy person. Just can't help it. ... I'm glad I found a computer today and read your post. I have a lot I'd like to say here and I have some time to burn today ... so ...
Frater P., no need to be suspicious of happy folks, everyone deals with life in their own way and just because one is truly happy does not mean one does not care. For I care deeply and the only time I waver from my happiness is when I see injustices done to others, but even that is short lived because my being mad or angry isn't going to help them and torturing myself serves no purpose except to give the injustice more power.
I also take things very seriously but doing it with a smile does not make one disingenuous. To be "at peace" is anything but selfish. I truly believe that inner peace is the best medicine one can share with the world. It is not about me but rather mankind. I didn't learn these things from any "guru" although I have read many philosophies, I learned these things internally. They were always there and I'm glad I finally noticed them.
I understand everyone is different and some need all those emotions to stay balanced, but being happy has not dumbed me down to being about me. I find I can think much more clearly when I am happy. For a very long time I didn't understand this. I searched everywhere for happiness and I tried for several years to make those around me happy, thinking this was the key to my happiness but all that happened was I grew more unhappy everyday. As has been said above you cannot make anyone else happy, but as I learned and finally found peace with-in myself and became happy, I saw a great change in many of those people around me. Maybe they became happier or perhaps it was just my imagination but I don't think so. Perhaps they thought like I did and wanted to make those around them happy and since I was happy, they were, at least temporarily happy.
A smile or a frown, can make it all the way around the world. I know I feel much better about the world every time I see a smile and that is what I choose to spread. A frown does not show one cares more or that person takes things more seriously than someone smiling, that is a terrible myth.
Life is nothing but a tremendous gift. Embrace it, share it and make it better when possible but do not feel that any part of it is bad, for it all has it's purpose. It took me many,many occurrences, of what I considered bad, to finally understand that it was all these things that led me to my happiness.... and I would endure them all again ten-fold to reach the place I am today.
Right now, I am facing one of the biggest, hardest challenges of my life. Without the happiness level I have achieved, I don't think I could make it through this... and I feel tremendously blessed for this chance to once again test my resolve.
Like Bryon, I try to start each day on a positive note and now, I no longer even have to think about that, and I no longer search to be happy ... I just am ... I used to think I was the most unlucky man alive and the bad things that have happened to me were some kind of curse. The list is really, really long and almost unbelievable. But I have learned not only to accept them but to embrace them. I now consider myself one of the luckiest men on the face of the earth.
It's all about the scales ... some folks can have a hundred happy experienced dashed by one bad experience ... I have one happy experience and it demolishes a hundred bad experiences ... It's all about weighting your own scales... I refuse to let a hundred bad things out weigh one good thing ...
I'm happy to be here today ... I hope you are all happy too ...
Peace and Love
Sam Cat
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Tom O'Brien
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6/22/2009 9:09:37 PM
Right on, Sam, I have the feeling that your peace follows you and affects others, and that's a good way to be in the world.
Would it surprise some of you if I said I was happy with the terrible things that go on in the world? Not that I encourage them - rape, murder, famine, genocide - I want a world without those things. But I love our humanity in all its forms. I love that we have the ability to feel fear, disgust, hatred, and all negative emotions so that we can truly embrace love, honesty, trust, friendship and all the virtuous ones.
And I really get the point that our life has a time limit, that we could die at any second. There's something transformational in accepting your own mortality. If death came to me right now, I would be ready to go, because I feel like love is my priority in life, and that I am living a life of love. That makes me happy.
I have not had a perfect life - far from it. But from all its myriad lessons I have learned how to love. Love is my guiding force, my God, I guess you could say.
I am not religious. But I do feel that there is something beyond us - something that we will never be able to explain. I think that's what religion is for - trying to make sense of the unexplainable. I just let it remain a mystery and live the most loving life I can.
I am happy because I feel that everything in the universe is made of the same stuff - that we are all part of God (love). Our humanity is a cloth woven with the same threads. I guess I am a pantheist - I find God in all things.
I hope this thread stays open, because I love to feel the connection between happy people, and even the thoughtfulness of those less so. We all have music in common, and there's always happiness in that.
I hope you find ways to share your happiness every day, and to live a life of love. We all make the world better, little by little. Accept what is, and live in the present - (two main philosophies of my own brand of happiness). Hope you find your own!
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whiteoutz337
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7/1/2009 8:19:47 PM
I am very happy. Besides the fact that my personal chart of maslows heirarchy of needs is filled, ha, I think hapiness is gratitude. I think that truely happy people are the people who have felt true sorrow because you become more appreciative of things. When you arent happy, besides chemically, its because you think things could be better. But when you've been through the worst, you can always tell yourself things have been and could be worse, and with this mindset, you appreciate and love the things around you more.
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whiteoutz337
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7/1/2009 8:28:48 PM
And no offense, but I disagree with the happiness is a choice concept. To some extent, I suppose. But its unrealistic. If someone you were really close to died, you wouldnt be able to choose to be happy. Maybe, you can choose to move on. But you would still have to grieve first.
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Product Recall
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7/1/2009 9:48:18 PM
yes cos it generally makes my day go better (shit loads of coffee tend to help)
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Product Recall
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7/1/2009 9:48:45 PM
yes cos it generally makes my day go better (shit loads of coffee tends to help)
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Rose Reece-Morgan
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7/1/2009 10:02:07 PM
Hi, I just want to tell you a story . My name is Rose and i am a very happy person . I have great music a wonderful family an warm and loving partner.
But i havent always been like this . I was sexually abused at the age of five and onwards which really affected my life. i am now fity nine and have finally in the last few years come to realize that i have to put all the pain in its place give it a home with in my home A place in my heart .
I am finally free but that scar wil;l always remain . If you love her let it be dont try to hard my friend time is all it takes and understanding .
dont smother a flower just water it gently
lots of love to you sincerley
all my prayers and song go to you today .
Rose Reece-Morgan
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Tom O'Brien
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7/2/2009 2:31:09 AM
Thanks, Rose - I can feel your happiness (and see it in the way you hold your guitar!). I'm glad you've seen the beautiful side of life after all you've been through.
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Conversation Suicide
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7/2/2009 9:40:34 AM
I'm tryin' to see the beautiful side, TOm.
I'm really TRYIN', but it's been kinda tough lately....
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Tom O'Brien
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7/4/2009 1:53:04 AM
I feel ya, man. When everything around you seems like it is conspiring to make the world a miserable place, it seems strange to say you're happy.
Oddly enough, and paradoxically, I feel happy because of my insignificance in the universe, and at the same time, because I am the center of my experience of the universe. I know that sounds like I'm a little high, but I assure you I am not.
My life is a short spark of electricity on an ancient planet that will probably continue for eons without me, or any trace of me. I am happy because I embrace my short life as a miracle. I get to be part of all that is. I get to be conscious.
Sometimes I am conscious of pain - that my body is just a tool I use and that it falls apart like all physical things. I am happy despite the pain. I am happy to be able to feel.
Sometimes I see hatred carried out as war or murder or violence or rape, and of course I don't want those things - but If I am a loving person and try to be an example to others, then I can be happy despite those things that happen around me. I can change what I can and accept what I cannot.
I think acceptance of 'what is' is the key to my happiness - I'm not saying it'll be the key to yours, and I'm not saying it's easy. But as soon as you accept that we are mortal and might die at any moment, then you can live more fully in the present.
The present is perfect. It's the future where your worries lie, and the future does not yet exist. Yes, I'm aware that every action has a consequence, but if I am in a state of love right now, I feel relatively comfortable that all my consequences will be good ones.
But you may say, "I can't afford health care and my son is sick," or "I lost my job," or "The love of my life left me, " and you might ask, "How can I be happy?"
Ultimately, there is only you and your own mind. Everyone else exists as a sensory experience in your mind. They have minds of their own, but we can never experience them. So you have to be in a state of love in your own mind. I firmly believe in the power of love. I believe it's why we're here. I believe we are all part of the same fabric of life. I don't really believe in a God as a separate being, but I suppose I can call our life force God. We are just highly evolved animals in the end, and animals want one thing: the continuation of the species. We humans have adopted love as a strategy for continuing the species. I know that sounds cold and scientific, but still I celebrate love every day, and that makes me happy.
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Beth Fridinger
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7/4/2009 8:15:21 AM
Yes you cannot make your woman happy...she has to work through those issues herself...it is very hard work to deal with them but it can be done...Everybody has their bag of garbage, some more than others, and the greatest challenge in life is to overcome the obstacles.
I am pretty happy most of the time but lately I have been a little stressed because I've been struggling and having to work everyday.
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