Stoneman
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5/17/2017 5:06:47 PM
Well,
I have paperwork that says I am pretty much cured from the violent tendencies of my PTSD, But I often wonder if provoked, will my more violent side come out again. I have hurt some people in the past and will probably get hurt if I attack someone again because I am now old and a lot slower. So, no, I am not well adjusted to this new world we have where prejudice and discrimination are back as standard bearers for the colonialist doctrine. I perceive the death of human kindness and the birth of tyrannical bullshit in this country. After having seen the crap that all that brings when I was a kid, I am scared and confused by the change that has taken over this nation. I don't think I will ever be well adjusted to that. Instead, I stay armed and prepared for an attack. I don't trust anyone that is not Black or Brown anymore unless I know them well. To think, I fought a war for these ungrateful assholes and now they want to take away all the gains that were made during the civil rights struggles of the 60's. Every night, I lay down to sleep and the images of death and destruction begin to pop into my brain like a torturous slide show. I practice martial arts daily and it helps me to channel my brain into another rhelm of existence. I pray during my daily 4 mile power walks and that helps me to center myself into the loving person that God expects me to be. I smile at people but inside I feel their hatred towards me. I am the only Black man in my town these days. So, I am fearful, angry, confused, saddened, disappointed and worried. No, I am not well adjusted. Like most Black people in America, I am holding my breath and waiting for the next shoe to drop. When the war and the fires begin this summer, I will either be out there in the middle of it or in my home barricaded and prepared to defend the perimeter of my home. This is a scary new world but I have prepared myself for the worst that may be coming as the racist tide continues its assault on all that was once precious in America for me and my people. I am an African American. I say that because there is a huge difference in my citizenship and the citizenship of White Americans. I acknowledge that difference as I am treated like a lower rated citizen with much less rights. I know that I can be killed just because of what I look like and nothing will be done about it.
That is why I am now determined to shoot back and protect myself if confronted by the powers that be. What do I have to lose? My life? They will probably take that away anyway. So, I will defend myself as it is a God given right. In that determination I am well adjusted.
Respect
Stoneman
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