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Francesca Tamellini
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6/23/2016 1:39:14 PM
rhymes to be avoided
What are the most boring rhymes in songs? Here are a few to start off:
feeling fine/bottle of wine
lover/under cover
cocaine/brain
night/feeling alright
the sun/having fun
two/me and you
back/dirt track
any more that just keep coming back?
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Eve
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6/23/2016 1:41:57 PM
moon and June!
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Richard Scotti
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6/23/2016 1:56:23 PM
heart and apart
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Donna Devine
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6/25/2016 12:54:31 AM
love and above
lost and cost
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TonyGirl
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6/25/2016 4:19:11 AM
---- Updated 6/25/2016 4:19:52 AM
fly/high/sky
Wonder if I've used them somewhere :D
I try not to :D
Do you ever use these for fun ( or any other reason )...?
My english vocabulary is smaller since I'm not a native speaker so I guess there's a greater risk for me to use boring rhymes accidentally ( going thru what I've written inside my head ).
Any other boring pairs of words? I just realized the next song of mine has " lost & found " in it! It's gonna be super-boring, yay! :D
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6/25/2016 6:21:13 AM
---- Updated 6/25/2016 6:24:01 AM
I use a rhyming dictionary for inspiration but sometimes an unoriginal rhyme is better than something contrived. I actually tried to rhyme ... LOVE with SHOVE... in one song to avoid using above or 'hand in glove'
Lots of songs today don't even have rhymes or they half rhyme like time and mine
I like rhyming two words with one i.e.
He may not be the man some
girls think of as handsome
This is my favourite old rhyming song "Anything Goes"
In olden days, a glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as something shocking.
But now, God knows,
Anything goes.
Good authors too who once knew better words
Now only use four-letter words
Writing prose.
Anything goes.
If driving fast cars you like,
If low bars you like,
If old hymns you like,
If bare limbs you like,
If Mae West you like,
Or me undressed you like,
Why, nobody will oppose.
When ev'ry night the set that's smart is in-
truding in nudist parties in studios.
Anything goes.
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6/25/2016 7:10:50 AM
Dazzling them with Cole Porter. God knows I'm not the only showoff here.
However can I follow that one?
Jaws you old devil how are you. Love you madly, Darling.
Unrequited as it shall ever be.
Well there's this example of fine lyric writing. I think so anyway.
I'm going to give you all a major fantastic thing you didn't have before.
Knowledge of a by and large completely unknown song by Lesley Gore.
The one and only Lesley Gore. The one whose party it is, and believe me
she'll not only cry if she wants to, she'll howl bitch and scream if it suits her.
Trust me.
I wrote the music to this... for those of you not up on what the hell I'm talking
about, I have worked with her, she used to be my mentor....
Lesley Gore surprised me one morning with an excited phone call from Dallas, Texas, telling me how she'd just written new lyrics to a song I'd sent her,
called "Until You" ... and that I should be on the lookout for Fed Ex,
'cause she just rush jobbed me the lyrics. I waited all day for that Fed Ex truck.
Maybe I should do a definitive version of this if that's even possible.
Ideally, it would've sounded better with her singing it. She never got around to it,
and then, next thing you know, she wasn't even there anymore.
So I guess I sing it or no one even gets to hear it ever.
Here's the lyrics, to the one song the Lesleys wrote together.
~L
PS...
I shall add,
I'm putting this here, not only because Killer over here slam boomed us
with Cole Porter (takes one to know one, you incredible delicious showoff.)
(delicious, yes, and you're my age, so I can totally say that, nom nom nom)
but because, the subject of rhyming, is in fact the impetus for this thread.
And I put this here, because this is the very song, that made it all 'click' in my head;
I'd been trying to be a 'songwriter' and wrote 'song lyrics'.
Lesley Gore took my 'song lyrics' and instead, simply told a story.
I realized immediately the difference; I was doing stupid sing-songy rhymes,
and she, while employing a rhyme element to the thing, well it seemed more
like actual talking, to me, than lalala...
trying to describe this epiphany, I said, in one of my songs
"My Loving Me" by American Lesley Jane
(is that even here? I think it is, I have to check now)
"You taught me how to write lyrics, shopping list as much as it's a kiss..."
Which sort of said it.
Rhymes to avoid,
basically the rule of thumb is,
'if you know it's douchey, it probably actually is, so try something different.'
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6/25/2016 7:35:21 AM
Ladies and Gentlemen,
the lyrics to Until You,
a song by Lesley Gore and Lesley Jane....
UNTIL YOU
Nobody ever cared to be so honest with me
My folks said life was fair but that was fantasy
The harder that I tried, seemed the less I got done
Going through the motions but not having fun
I'd walk around not knowing what the hell to do
And I was nowhere baby until you
I thought of life as nothing more than compromise
It didn't matter how you played..... just win the prize
No point to being good is there is any hope
That you could be the best and push the envelope
Been wondering all the time if this could be voodoo
'Cause I was no one baby until you
You showed me a new way to go
I never would have found it if you hadn't said so
I can feel the rhythm, I can hear the rhyme
And I'm singing all the time
I'm feeling kinda frisky in a funky way
They say love can be risky so I won't delay
And thank you for the way you hang in by my side
I'd like to bottle what you give and sell it worldwide
I never felt as good about myself as I do
And I was nothing baby until you
~Instrumental break
You showed me a new way to go
I never would have found it if you hadn't said so
I can feel the rhythm, I can hear the rhyme
And I'm singing all the time
Singing all the time
The lesson to be learned is that we must survive
The only way to do that is to stay alive
And dream about the person that you wish you knew
I'm here to tell you sometimes even dreams come true
I've learned the things that count, like one and one is two
I'll be right here when you decide what we will do
I'm gonna love you anyway you want me to
And I was no one baby until you
Yeah I was nothing baby until you
'Cause I was nowhere baby until
Nowhere baby until
Nowhere baby until
you
Copyright 1995 ~ Lesley Gore & Lesley Jane
Okay Q...
(that's her nickname)
looks like I gotta come up with a righteous version of this.
Hey I know---I'll channel you! Sounds like a plan.
Love, ~L
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6/25/2016 7:37:14 AM
Yeah, I know...
it may still not be Cole Porter,
but I'd rather snog Lesley Gore any kind of day.
x
~L
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Hop On Pop
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6/25/2016 8:37:31 AM
Texas/facts is
avoid at ALL COSTS!
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6/25/2016 8:50:50 AM
Agreed.
Hop On Pop just nailed The Douchiest Rhyme, EVERRRR. Yikies.
Song's not too bad... 'Take The Money And Run' by The Steve Miller Band.
But that is a groaner of a rhyme.
I had my first groan with it in the mid seventies.
"Did he just say that?"
Stevie Miller took the money and run.
Oh yeah, and he made it look fun.
So yeah, I'm gonna do a version of Until You,
bit late, but I'm done waiting for her to do one.
Might try to see if we can't come up with something new.
As long as I have her on the phone. Woohoo. I'm a party in a can. Fizzzzzzzip.
And Von Dupriney Duprin.
Life Is Too Short
To Settle For Awful Lyrics.
Don't be afraid to be eloquent.
And on point.
Oh my.
I just realized the boys just did one. Which I have yet to release. Oy.
I can't keep up with me. I really can't. Thank God there's only one of me.
I don't think I could handle it otherwise.
~L
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6/25/2016 8:54:14 AM
And again,
not to drift too far from the original intent of this thread.
The point is,
'how to write lyrics which sound real and are not wincingly douchey'...
basically...
and the answer is,
don't make the mistake of being a cartoon character singing sing songy nonsense;
unless that really is your thing, I suppose.
But my epiphany about lyric writing,
given to me by my beloved mentor Lesley Gore,
is all about the quality of the medium that lyric writing is when done correctly.
You don't have to be a dope reciting trite poetry.
Doing it right means,
quit the drivel.
Instead: Say Something.
And along the way, just happen to make it rhyme.
You want 'it'? That's 'it'.
You're welcome.
I got a bunch of stuff to do now... and off I go...
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Hop On Pop
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6/25/2016 11:50:28 AM
Since you posted one of your own, Lesley, here is one of mine that I am proud of. Not my all-time favorite lyrics of mine, but probably my all-time favorite rhymes that I have written:
1.
My feelings grew and multiplied
But I'm not sure I'm justified
It's not as if I've really tried
To earn it
So now I shake and shudder
Maybe she will find another
Who will help her to discover
What she's needed
CHORUS:
But then I come to my senses
And she helps me remember
Things have never been better
And to think...
That I thought I knew
All the things I could do
The things you could do with love
2.
So now my heart is sinking
What if she has done some thinking
And her thoughts now find her linking
To another?
She'd try another on for size
And leave me lying paralyzed
All alone and terrified
I need her
(CHORUS)
Bridge:
It all comes flooding back to me
A cursed flash of memory
And all my paranoia comes back in a rush
To put my troubled mind to rest
I just lean back and take deep breaths
I can't help but to make this junk up
3.
And as I sit here pondering
She could be out there wandering
I know I might be squandering
My last chance
Could I give her what she's needing
Or am I just a fleeting game
Until she goes off speeding
To another?
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6/25/2016 1:38:36 PM
Cool Hop On Pop. Those are actually really good freakin' lyrics.
Impressive, Sir.
Well Until You ...
by the way,
is that a song you have out?
I'm pretty curious now to know how that goes.
What is it called, if it is out.
Until You is mostly lyrics written actually by the one and only Lesley Gore.
I wrote a couple at the end,
and she bit the hook phrases off my original lyric
that I sent to her, which were kindergarten in comparison.
But the hooks worked well enough that she bit them broadside.
"I'd walk around not knowing what the hell to do,
and I was nowhere baby until you..." that was from my version,
my original lyrics, I have no idea what they were now,
but they were like I said, rudimentary, I'd almost call them 'greeting card'
in comparison. Now that I've brought up the song of course,
I owe it to Lesley Gore, One and Only, ain't She ever... to do a version
that does the song true justice. I'll have to get to work on that, since in all
this time, I've done a version or two but never anything I considered
....definitive..
meanwhile, BEATLESEX put out a new record,
which is quite good as our noise goes...
and once more for emphasis,
really, Hop,
what is that song? Is it out?
I'd like to hear it.
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LyinDan
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6/25/2016 4:14:04 PM
We're waiting. :)
You can debut it in SL. I'll do a falsetto accompaniment if you do. I'll be the penis in the tutu.
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Hop On Pop
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6/26/2016 7:01:38 AM
Thanks Lesley!
The song is right here:
"And To Think"
Hope you like the finished song as much as the standalone lyric.
T
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Hop On Pop
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6/26/2016 7:03:10 AM
Oops... thanks, BEATLESEX.
Sorry. I was looking at the wrong post.
I really appreciate your comments!
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Hop On Pop
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6/26/2016 7:09:09 AM
Or, Lesley IS BEATLESEX. Which I kinda knew, but... I'm so CONFUSED!
Sorry.
Brain surgery.
(A handy excuse for when I act like an idiot.)
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6/26/2016 7:27:46 AM
John is telling me not to say the next thing I'm going to say from his band. Okay. Let's get this out of the way first then. Back from here in a moment.
Oh yes, it's almost complicated, but not really.
I'm even figuring out the television remote. Kinda. Maybe a bit.
Look, I'm Lesley, and I have an odd talent for channeling dead rock musicians,
in particular one very nice one and one who's such a smartass it boggles the mind.
(George Harrison, John Lennon, respectively)
So we're BEATLESEX. John named us.
I also have the American Lesley Jane site where I do songs
from both the male and female perspective, because my mentor Lesley Gore
sort of taught me how to do that, so why not show off that odd talent as well.
And other times, I have the ELVIS LESLEY site,
for those odd occasions that I want to be an Elvis-type-Thing.
And when that doesn't hit it, I can go dial it to eleven
with The Complete Dicks.
To say the very least imaginable.
Except the next thing I was gonna say, I won't say from the BEATLESEX account
because John said not to.
Oh yes, and Buddy Holly, had to remind me the other day he's actually in
the group now as well. He's so quiet, I forgot. He hadn't sung one in a while,
but he did add a bit of his very own element to the lead guitar bit...
Now...
Todd is it?
You are the "POP" whom we are "HOPPING" on yeah?
We are actually terribly impressed with your record.
Any chance you'd let us cover this one?
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6/26/2016 7:42:50 AM
Whoa.
Lyin' Dan, is that true?
Can one really be a penis in a tutu on second life?
Hard to turn down a pitch like that, why didn't you start there, Larree?
I'm kidding.
Unless I can be a vagina in a mumu, I don't wanna play.
No, really, I'd actually consider it,
if you can convince me that the animation has more capabilities
than previously I seem to have anticipated, which it truly does
if one can decide "Hey I know! I'll be a yutz in a grass skirt!"
I find it interesting,
because, if I could learn how to set it all up....
AND we Can Do COVERS?
Holy Crap.
If that is so,
then Larree, I should be taking notes from you.
Seriously.
If I can create a virtual, John, Paul, George & Ringo,
(and be the virtual Lesley who pops up like the 5th one in Magical Mystery Tour,
you never do find out who it is, ha, it's me, now you know)
and then we do an insanely unbelievable set of Beatle covers,
sounding near identical to the original versions,
since I channel two actual Beatles,
that might be pretty cool.
Larree, I suggest,
instead of 'hard sell' as the tack,
"A Bit About Second Life" as more the direction.
In this thread, talk about,
how you do it,
if you like, you could specifically tailor it to me as I just asked.
How would I go about creating a virtual reality BEATLES?
I obviously between me and my ethereal henchman who call me
wenchwoman (John does, he just did then anyway) can do the sound part.
Okay,
We Now Return This Thread To It's Original Topic,
And Upright Position.
Lyin' Dan, well he's Lyin' Dan,
a bit like a rock n roll grandpa with terretts or tourettes,
or however you spell that thing, that I do as well,
where you say outlandish things, sometime obscenities, out of the blue.
But it got my attention.
See that? All you have to do get Lesley Jane's attention is be a penis in a tutu.
However do I recover from this silliness?
Mope/Dope
Wit/Tit
Sonny/Sunny
Bread/Fed
Mister/Whiskers
Oh BABE What Would You SAY,
which is very odd indeed.
If you ever heard it.
Don't know if I wanna laugh or cry when I hear that one.
"What Would You Say" by Hurricane Smith.
(whom I believe was an engineer for The BEATLES, incredibly)
You want the rules?
There are no rules.
You can even choose not to rhyme.
Oh but Pop, Todd,
that is a very good song indeed,
Lennon himself made a point of saying
'we should do that one, see if he'll let us do that one wenchman'
So there we are.
Useful advice further?
Write a Million Songs. That'll get you started.
Look, there's two ways to go about it.
1. Novice. 2. I Do This.
I am 2, I Do This.
If you're 1, Novice,
it really doesn't matter what you do.
If you're 2, I Do This,
then basically do the bloody f-ing hell out of it. Rinse, Lather, Repeat.
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Hop On Pop
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6/26/2016 8:02:23 AM
I am flattered as hell, BEATLESEXers!
You absolutely may cover the song, for sure.
Just a couple of things:
A) You gotta let me hear it as soon as it's done.
and
B) If you make any money off of it, make sure that I get my cut! ;-)
But this is about the most-flattering thing that any songwriter can be asked... to have his (or her) song covered.
I'm really looking forward to hearing what you do with it. And, if you need to know the chord changes (that second chord is a bit odd), just let me know.
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6/26/2016 8:21:18 AM
The second chord a little bit odd?
Sounds like a half step drop to a major chord,
for instance, if you were in "C" then the next chord is "B major"
Okay, well now I'll have to cash with action the check John just wrote with enthusiasm... which means, I realize the amount of work we're in for....
oh there's a lot going on in that one.
Okay by 'let you hear it' I assume you mean to say
'let you hear it before we release it, in case it sucks so you can say no'
which is fair,
it is a very good song, which you've recorded quite well at that,
so basically we have to work like mad f-ing pigs in the slop to do it justice.
Which is what we do, or we don't bother, generally, so no problem there.
You can hear it first of course, you can also for any reason you like,
decide not to let it be released. Like, even if it doesn't suck.
Even if it's so good, you seriously wanna thump the lot of us...
"you bastards, how could you turn my song into such a bloody Beatle Record!?"
I just realized,
Boy, Nothing is Sacred on the Pipeline,
Francesca starts this innocent thread about poor rhyme schemata,
and next thing you know, it's just about everything else in the world, and a tutu.
As for the monetary aspect of what we do,
please allow me to explain.
We are Philanthropists.
We don't do it for the money.
We do it for the art.
Anyway as you may or may not know, we are, BEATLESEX, American Lesley Jane, all my other entities as well, are in the Triple C Program....
in short all our proceeds to any sold downloads, are donated directly
to Indie Music People.com by me, proprietor of all this illustrious expression.
I can ask Scott to make a note to funnel half of any proceeds, to you, Todd.
If he tells me that's a difficulty to do, well I suppose
I could just set that one as not downloadable under any circumstances,
that's one way to go about it. The other is not to do the record I suppose.
John what have you gotten us into?
That Lennon. Cashing checks with his big Beatle John Ego.
That I gotta cash!
No, don't get me wrong, Todd Pop.
I love the song. It's very intricate,
and I immediately realize the amount of work we're in for.
And I'm a bit daunted because I know we not only have
to do it justice comparable to your own version,
but John has some wild idea of it being a bloody Beatle record
in the first place.... like "How'd he get that? That's one of ours, isn't it?"
I'm telling you.
John.
He's a Johnzilla.
Nobody knows. I know, I work with 'im.
Monster. Witty and Basically Good Hearted Monster, but a bloody Monster.
The only place I'd be putting out the record is here,
where the Triple C is in place,
though I could indeed, in the event Scott tells me it's a complication
to split the sales if any into two recipients, Imp and you, Todd Pop,
simply set it up sans downloadability.
Then we only gotta figure out this intricately ---I'm being shhushed.
John's telling me 'not to worry, we got this'.
Cocky and confident bastard. He never worries.
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Hop On Pop
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6/26/2016 8:31:10 AM
If the downloads are all being donated to IMP, we can be cool with that. I'm fine with that. No problem. I'm just in the midst of negotiations for another song of mine—and am in that business mindset, which I have never had to be in before.
As to that second chord, it is just a 1/2 step down from the first chord (A), but with an add 9.
Basically, low-to-high:
Ab, Eb, A, C, Eb, Ab
So, just an Ab barre chord, yes... but with that A being played on the D string, in lieu of the tonic. Just seemed to make for a better-flowing chord progression when I was writing it, I thought. Everything else is pretty straightforward.
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6/26/2016 8:45:25 AM
Okay, well thanks for the visible 'wow you called it', I appreciate that.
That was ---that chord sequence, yes, 7th, 9th, whatever it is, I'll find it---
one of the first things I said to myself,
'hmm, what is that chord, oh he's dropped one, maybe a seventh or something'
a nine is a seventh with a plus one...
easier for me though, if you don't talk about it in notes like this,
that puts me out of my element... I just hear it and play it....
if you tell me about notes and stuff I gotta think about it,
that makes my head hurt.
Best I just do it.
Okay, so now you're telling me it's okay to just leave this a Triple C,
okay, noted. Cool.
Oh man, wow.
Seriously, it is I who is humbled, Todd.
I'm the one who has to deliver this now. I suppose I can do it.
Always have before.
John just gets so excited, 'yeah yeah! we gotta do this! yeah!'
and his enthusiasm, because I can hear it, gushes through, and out of me,
like that....
I'm just plain impressed by it, it's a great song, great recording.
John hears it and thinks it's a beatle record.
Now he's yelling at me; "it IS a f***ing Beatle record!"
I tell yas,
if you all think I'm crazy,
you should see the noodnik I channel. Oy.
Meshuggana is Coming. Let Us Be Ready.
This is going to probably take me all week.
Let me clear the schedule.
Vacation in Paris, postponed again.
It's always John too. You never see George getting me into any of this trouble.
I like George.
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CTWitt.2
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7/3/2016 8:19:11 AM
I see the thread kind of got derailed a bit, but here's a couple bad rhymes imo...
Fall / Crawl / At all
Whatever / Never better
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Furious Underdogs
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7/3/2016 8:41:43 AM
As a great fan of good prose poem I am tempted to say...
... all of them.
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Father Time
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7/4/2016 11:08:56 PM
You can be all kinds of characters on Second Life. I had a pretty cool cat avatar that I used to go to concerts as. Also have a great Riddler suit that looks just like the old TV show. Also had a Cobain avatar that I put wings on. Being the Beatles would be hard cause you'd need 4 computers or 4 people playing the boys.
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Larree
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7/5/2016 8:06:19 AM
ALJ, I can't just tell you how to do it. You need to create an account and jump in. Once you are in it will be much easier to get you where you want to be. Just do it. It's free.
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