The Amazing Nostradumbass
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11/13/2007 11:27:21 AM
The Lost Book of Nostradumbass
Why did I lose that damned book? I should know the answer because I know ALL. Wait, it's coming to me. I lost that book because it was stolen out of my vestibule by Veronica Lake after we made passionate revolving love. She thought she could get to know the real Nostradumbass by reading my most private of quatrains. Ahhh but no one could know me, not even myself - or my faithful dog, Copperfield.
I stole the book back from her after I got her hooked on playing XBox. She was taking on the galactic boss Giuliani and I slipped it out of her large expensive purse/sack. After all, it was myy book. However, I hadn't remembered making those predictions. That must've happened after I slipped into a trance. If so, they will surely come true.
Time to reveal the payload. That's what you all pay for, no?
1. Late in 2009, 2 people who met on this pipeline will get married and stay married. The male in this pairing has the last initial of B.
2. I, Nostradumbass will hit the grocery store shelves with my new cereal, Crunchy Prophets.
3. In 2017, several right-wing commentators will perish in a global warming incident.
4. William J. Urmson's computer will crash when he's posting on a tagboard. Fortunately at the time this happens he will be able to afford a new and faster one so he will live to promote for 36 more years from that tragic day.
5. Sometime in the next 22 years, Time's Man of the Year will be a transsexual.
6. The next president will unleash a very untimely belch during their 2nd State of the Union address. This will undermine the War on Terror.
7. In the latter part of the 21st century, there will be all kinds of breakthroughs in cosmetic surgery. People will be able to replace working parts with superior parts. For instance an non-musically inclined person will be able to replace their vocal chords with ones that sound like either Celine Dion or Robert Goulet. Coming in 2104 - Bob Dylan and Carol Channing. Also a man will be able to replace his penis in a swift out-patient operation to any number of a variety of designer penises. You will be able to have a penis with a hammerhead, one that's translucent blue, or one that is rectangular. The most popular one will be affixed with the face of Nintendo's own Donkey Kong.
8. Next August, everyone will be coming out of the woodwork to fly kites. It will be the new craze in Europe, to be followed by the yo-yo, and the frisbee.
9. In what may be the biggest gossip scandal ever, somebody will post on You Tube a hidden camera film of Michael Jackson stuffing McDonalds condiment packets up his butt.
10. After retirement, Dick Cheney will move to his own private resort in Australia, take on 9 wives of different origins and make them tattoo their country's flag on their foreheads.
11. In January of 2008, some man somewhere will have sex with an ostrich, after necking for several hours.
12. In 2009, Larree will release F.U.C.K. 2, and it will reach #1 at IAC. IAC will then announce that it's starting a new genre called "Alternative Larree".
13. In the year 2010 something incredible will happen. It will shock the world. A really good song will make it to radio and become an international hit, will be #1 for 10 weeks. Listen closely..
that song is on this site right now.
Okay I'm passing out from all that prognosticating, see you soon I'm fading faskgjfdslgj
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The Amazing Nostradumbass
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11/13/2007 12:11:02 PM
---- Updated 11/13/2007 12:14:46 PM
Sure, it might've been a tad revolting for her at the time {ho ho} but dear Veronica told me herself that what we did that night was revolving in her head long afterwards.
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