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Richard Scotti
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12/9/2018 4:54:24 PM
---- Updated 12/9/2018 5:46:39 PM
Ghosting
Have you ever been ghosted? How did it make you feel? Did you make efforts to contact the ghoster? When did you decide to give up?
I'm not talking about being ghosted by a girlfriend or boyfriend but by a "work friend." It's a situation where agreements were broken for no apparent reason even though all past interactions were very cordial and there were no arguments or disagreements at all. Then all of a sudden, all contact stops. E-mails, texts and phone calls are not returned. All requests for a simple explanation are not responded to. Let's say this person was crucial to something you were working on and although you could find someone else to fill this role, it will take a long time and delay an important project. What turns a seemingly good person and a seemingly productive situation into someone and something completely different? I find it baffling.
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Steve White
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12/9/2018 5:48:59 PM
Yep
I had an animator all set up to animate my songs. He had the first song and an idea of how he wanted to proceed. Then all connections stopped abruptly.
What ya gonna do? Roll with the punches.
Steve
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Richard Scotti
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12/9/2018 6:09:25 PM
---- Updated 12/9/2018 6:11:51 PM
Steve ~ Did you attempt to contact the person to find out what the problem was and see if the problem could be fixed?
BTW ~ the idea of using animation for songs is a great idea! I hope it works out in the future.
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Steve White
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12/9/2018 7:11:20 PM
I did try, a bunch of times. He never replied back.
I actually did do some of my own animation but it's pretty tough.
I don't know if it will work here but I'll attempt to paste the one animation I did.
https://youtu.be/mp5DjnryCCU
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12/9/2018 11:26:35 PM
Some people hate saying no. They will lie, evade, sneak, deceive, do anything but face up to saying no.
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Plum Jam
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12/10/2018 1:20:16 AM
I never heard the term 'ghosting' before but I'm certainly guilty of avoiding a difficult break up if possible and have been 'snubbed' a few times after refusing to 'let it lie'. However to be left wondering what went wrong is very frustrating Richard.
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Richard Scotti
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12/10/2018 11:29:52 AM
@Scott- interesting observation - any thoughts on why these people can't say no?
What are they afraid of? Is it done as some kind of sick power play or just a case of
wimpiness?
@Plum Jam ~ What puzzles me is that there would be no repercussions for the "ghoster". There would be no face to face confrontations or even an awkward telephone call. All that is required is a simple e-mail saying "sorry but I changed my mind about working with you" or "I'm too busy with other projects - good luck".
I've even indicated that if the person was permanently unavailable to work with me I would totally understand and never contact them again. How much easier could I make it? I'm even overlooking the fact that a verbal contract was violated without known reason. Well if karma is destiny - this person's destiny is in deep trouble.
Everyone in my inner circle says to just let it go and move on but it's a big artistic loss for me that will take a long time to fix and I'm tempted to e-mail him to say
"Your unprofessional and unethical behavior makes you a bad risk to work with. I don't know what your problem is but it's not going to be my problem".
I have a history of letting people who have wronged me get away with it. I'm tired of doing that. This all situation that has caused me a great deal of stress. Perhaps I should vent and get it off my chest. Keep in mind that I was a very valuable asset to him as well. I guess when people mess with my art, that's where I draw the line.
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Shoe City Sound
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12/10/2018 12:29:02 PM
How long ago did this happen? Because I'm wondering if it's possible there's an extenuating circumstance that maybe has nothing to do with just you.... Not wishing anything bad on him, but maybe he's in some situation that's affecting everyone in his life? .... just a thought ...
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Bryon Tosoff
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12/10/2018 12:48:54 PM
Dolores brings up a vital and critical element here that is feasible and worth consideration. In our busy world, and sometimes too busy, expectations sometimes lead to disappointments. Expectations also can break relationships.. Also a genuine kind note can smooth out any confusion or disappointments. Long distance relationships in music is a challenge indeed. Richard, I hope that you are able to resolve and smooth out any concerns without any repercussions. Time is a healer of sorts, and this lack of communication is perhaps something that can't be explained or shared at this time by your work friend, long suffering and forgiveness are two critical virtues there are. I know we all have suffered alienation or being given the cold shoulder, maybe there is something this person is going through. Anyways Richard, sounds frustrating and disappointing. hang in there, it will work out it its own good time
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12/10/2018 2:36:28 PM
@Scott- interesting observation - any thoughts on why these people can't say no?
What are they afraid of? Is it done as some kind of sick power play or just a case of
wimpiness?
People are often people-pleasers and feel bullied to say yes, you push their limits by demanding commitment, and an amazing amount of people can't handle the seriousness they feel about refusing you.
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Bryon Tosoff
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12/10/2018 3:05:29 PM
There could be extenuating circumstances, none of us know, so we really can't offer a viable answer. Bottom line it is Richard's issue to resolve, we have no ability to properly address this. I know though it will work itself out over time and when the time is right
I have long absences of people not getting in touch, it happens. Then when they do, you are relieved to find out they are ok, sometimes there are huge life challenges that happen. Silence though is a worrisome thing. We conjecture and that is something we can only do, now if it is a close friend, they may confide. Even if they are a family member sometimes things are better left alone. Imposing and Expecting an answer is not always possible.
Ok, I am excited about some incredible news on my songs getting huge love elsewhere yay
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Stoneman
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12/13/2018 1:28:02 AM
Practically every recording company I have ever signed with has ghosted me at some point. They all suck! Music Publishers to!
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The Rhythm Kings
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2/9/2022 7:39:10 PM
Ok this is a very old post. Came upon it by accident. But yes I was ghosted. I developed back in 2007 a program to do beer shelf sets in 3D. At the time cutting edge. Simple xy and z axis calculations. Simple to me but not the masses. Anyhow. Some fucker from Brownsville TX impersonated myself. To Anheuser Busch no less the main company I represent. All was cleared up as I had a friend in AB that vouched for me that I developed and wrote the program. Anheuser Busch still jerked me on the software thou. Paid me $20,000 for the million dollar idea and still uses it today. But at least I got the writer’s credits and not the jack hole in Texas. He got fired by his distributor ship and hopefully is living on the streets of Brownsville.
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Larree
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2/9/2022 11:53:12 PM
Ghosted by my family. They never call or invite me to any family functions. As if I never existed. Some distant relatives will still talk to me. But my immediate family? Never hear from them ever.
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